Before deciding to have another date, I voluntarily remained single for six years. I longed to establish a deeper and more meaningful relationship with a man than before. So I registered on an online dating website, hoping to find that person. After several months of dating with some people I had no interest in at all, I finally met someone who captured my heart. We quickly became close and often talked on the phone until late at night, sometimes even for six hours. He came 400 miles (about 640 kilometers) earlier than I expected and stayed with me for five days. I was both excited and nervous.

He told me that he practiced Karezza. I hadn't heard of it before, but I was quite curious. He said Karezza is about spending time nurturing your partner and building a deep connection. He talked about the chemical reactions in the brain and emotional bonds - it all sounds wonderful now - and then he revealed that the climax is not the goal, and in most cases it is avoided.

What? There's no climax?

I was completely obsessed with caressing, eye contact, and all the other wonderful sexual ways that my future lover would describe. I couldn't help recalling the sexual experiences with those husbands and boyfriends of mine in the past, who sometimes behaved almost like wild beasts. Their sole goal was to reach climax. Once they reached climax (usually within a few minutes), they would immediately leave the bed, saying they had other things to do. The men I met in the past seemed to think that a two-minute kiss was enough to excite me, so sex was often uncomfortable and I had to pretend to climax in order to end it. Somehow, satisfying their self-esteem was easier than ignoring my own needs.

I am strongly opposed to the idea of giving up having orgasms. In the past, I was deceived into not experiencing them, so now I feel that I deserve to enjoy this. However, I am willing to try Kareza because I want to be with this new man in my life, and this is the only way he can be intimate with anyone.

experience

When we first got together, I was captivated by his gentle kisses and his hands caressing my skin gently. We explored every inch of each other's bodies, and my entire body relaxed. He truly accompanied me, and this feeling I had never experienced when being with my lover. I felt that he saw me and was fully absorbed in me. He lay quietly inside me, not pushing me towards the finish line as he did, and this feeling made me trust and submit. Two hours passed, and he didn't rush to do anything else. This surprised me. He wasn't in a hurry to accomplish anything; it was just a shared time. I discovered that I didn't need a climax. I was more satisfied than ever before.

When we were having sex for the third or fourth time, some fragmented emotions broke free from my thalamus and rushed up to my chest cavity, eventually bursting out of my throat in a painful sob. I had no idea where this emotion came from, but I was powerless to stop it. I tried to hold back my apology, but it only made me cry even louder.

He allowed me to cry until my eyes were filled with tears, but never showed any sign that my emotions had alarmed him. He merely wiped away my tears, brushed aside my hair, and smiled at me. I felt as if I had unconsciously released the sadness that had been hidden within me.