Let's talk about the most alluring organ - our brain.

I once had a client come to me, saying that he was "Mr. Doudou from the sex world" and had no knowledge of sex at all. After several consultations, he concluded: "Now I understand, I must be more creative."

Yes, if you rely on hormones and pheromones to control your sex life, the initial passion will be very short-lived and then fade away. If sex is only for reproduction, that's fine; from a biological perspective, the initial hormone-driven passion frenzy will ensure the continuation of the species. However, over thousands of years, studies have shown that human infants need a lot of attention to grow into successful adults with their own children. Therefore, if their parents can maintain a close relationship, their survival rate will increase. Fortunately, we have a powerful brain, which means not only can we cooperate in raising children, but we can also create a more wonderful sex life, making this cooperation easier.

This should be quite simple, but our overly intelligent brains are both good at making us give up having sex in a playful manner, and also at allowing this creativity and playfulness to thrive.

Those damned beliefs and "shoulds" were holding us back. I'm certain that when I communicated with my clients, half of the time was spent on examining these restrictive beliefs, helping them distinguish whether these beliefs were truly unimportant or were erroneous beliefs that were hindering them. For example

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• If you think sexual activities must be done at night, then you are missing out on the opportunities during the day.

• If you think you can't do this outside to avoid being seen by others, then you are missing out on the excitement that might come with getting caught.

• If you think because your partner is the mother/father of your child, you can't do strange pranks with them, then you are limiting yourself.

• If you think that because your partner is an older lover, you shouldn't play sexual games with them because it's "stupid", then you are missing out on a lot of fun.

• If you think that men should be the ones to initiate, lead, and introduce new activities, then you are missing out on what she can offer.

• If you think that oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, porn videos, open shorts, latex bodysuits, bondage, swapping spouses, pain and pleasure, or any other activity (as long as it's done voluntarily between adults) is wrong, evil, immoral, and will directly send you to hell, then it's time to relax and slightly break through these boundaries.

Stop and think about what excites you, but you can't help feeling that perhaps it's "not supposed to be". Assume (this is a bit controversial) that you have fantasies about rough sex, but you think as a modern man of the new era, you would never treat your wife that way; or, as a modern woman with feminist sentiments, you would never imagine yourself being treated that way. Instead of outright condemning it (while secretly desiring it), try it openly. Prepare the safety words to prevent your boundaries from being crossed, and then give it a try. Put on an old (but still sexy) pair of underwear, and have him tear it off with his teeth to express his crazy passion for you! Understood?

Accept this concept, give it a try, and slightly push beyond your limits. The desire for rough sex does not mean the desire for actual rape. (If it is indeed the case, you really need to see a psychologist. Similarly, any non-consensual sexual desire from an adult is the same. It's fine to have sex with a wife dressed as a schoolgirl, but it's not okay to have sex with a real schoolgirl.)

Of course, I'm not saying that good sex is necessarily abnormal sex. Nor am I saying that if you don't engage in group sex at a wife-swapping party, you are being a prude. Far from it. If you find a certain position truly arousing to you, you can turn off the lights in the bedroom and enjoy extremely wonderful sex in missionary position. But if you think that's the only way you should have sex, and any other way is bad, then you are actually hindering the enhancement of your sexual ability and preventing you from fulfilling your sexual potential.

If something makes you excited and doing it can enhance your spiritual state, then go ahead. Make suggestions or requests to your partner without being shy. If you are the one receiving the request or suggestion, be honest. For example, if you want to try light bondage, just bring it up. If your partner says no, or even says "You must be joking!", then fine. But if your partner says "Well, maybe", then give it a try: Put on stilettos, nothing else. Slowly take off your stockings one by one, tie your partner to the bed, and force him to watch you jump around (if you are male, you can slowly loosen your tie or belt, and then follow the steps above).

Breaking through your boundaries and controlling your desires is a form of liberation. It gives you freedom and makes both of you submit to sexual activity.

It is during the process of surrender that you discover the path to heaven.