Recently, there has been a lot of discussion about sharing sexual fantasies. Since sexual fantasies are part of our sexual life - and judging from the comments, many couples on MH are like that - I would like to attempt to start a discussion on this topic. The purpose of this website is to celebrate passionate marital sex, right? So, what are your "taboos" regarding sharing sexual fantasies between couples?

In Riz's and my opinion, being able to share our fantasies with each other without worrying about being judged or rejected is an important part of our love for each other. Now, I think it's important to distinguish between fantasies and desires. I might have many fantasies, but that doesn't mean I want to pursue them. Although I would never call it a "advantage", our past experiences have at least taught us that God's plan for sexual life in marriage is the only one worth following. In the past, we followed our own desires, but now we choose God's will, not our own, or even our partner's. But under God's will, anything is possible! At least for us, fantasies are included. This is one way we occasionally integrate new things, without hurting each other or - we believe - offending God.

I admit that this is a rather new development. For a long time, I was worried that the fantasies of what I had done before would make me want to do it again. And I believed that allowing my thoughts to be immersed in the pleasure of those actions - in my opinion, these actions were beautiful but not what God wanted us to do - was a betrayal of my commitment. But in our relationship, at some point, we began to open up to each other and share the things that excited us.

This is not easy! Although we love each other, there are still some thoughts that come to mind: How will he/she view me? Would knowing that I think these things hurt him/her? Discussing these fantasies would make either of us pursue them in real life, right? But after many honest conversations, we understood that although God changed our intentions, he didn't necessarily change our preferences! We eventually concluded that past experiences won't determine our future. We accept each other as we are, and we can use fantasies to enhance each other's pleasure. The ideas expressed in the fantasies will stimulate our sexual desires. They are not what we truly want to happen. Some fantasies are so wild and fantastical that they will never be realized!

This is not to say that there are no concerns! For instance, when we talk about fantasies, sometimes I seek some written or visual materials to stimulate myself, such as those related to sexual acts. For me, the problem lies in that these stories are usually written as if they really happened, rather than from the perspective of "just pretending" in Christianity. (Worse still, seeing others actually doing this makes me feel sad rather than excited. ) So I learned to be vigilant about this impulse. Discovering my weaknesses, learning how to become stronger, and protecting myself from its harm are crucial parts for enjoying sexual fantasies with my husband. I think this is also part of growing up.

Another concern I have is that if any of us relies on fantasies to satisfy our sexual desires. As Paul said: "Everything is possible for me, but I never become his slave." When fantasies or quirks develop into fetishism, I have already been controlled by it. But neither of us wants to discuss fantasies every time we have sex. Making love, focusing on each other, enjoying the present moment, and emotional communication remain our normal way of being. Of course, this does not mean that this should be the standard for every relationship.

Of course, the most important - the guiding principle for all Christian life - is love. If my fantasy harms my husband, then when it suddenly appears in my mind, I will find something else to replace it. Similarly, those thoughts that damage my self-perception are also the same. If something makes me feel bad, then going against one's conscience is wrong, even if God has not said it is not allowed. "Everything is possible, but not all of it builds a person." But to be honest, as long as my husband is involved (or we don't involve ourselves at all, sometimes I will tell him a fictional story about "others"), I won't feel bad about the fantasy. For me, the key lies in: our imaginations intertwine with each other, seeking each other's happiness - not just our own happiness.

However, telling you about these sexual fantasies might bring more problems. I love my husband and trust him. We agreed to share openly without any judgment. Maybe I shouldn't care too much about what you think of me, but the truth is, I do care. Moreover, if you don't have such a relationship with your husband, I'm telling you about our passionate sexual fantasies. Will this make you go against your conscience or be dissatisfied with your marriage or your spouse? But I believe we should all be responsible for how we respond to the influences around us. Sharing our sex lives here is to encourage each other to move towards unity, right?

I enjoy reading the role-play stories submitted by you to "Happy Pi", as they always clearly present fictional stories between couples. Reading what some people say when they are portraying those strange scenes always makes me excited. I even imitated some of them! Moreover, it is clearly evident from the comments that many people's sexual desires are just as quirky as ours. Maybe there could be a way to occasionally share such stories. I believe some readers might benefit from these examples, which tell how to maintain the passion and purity of a marriage while occasionally indulging each other's imagination. In other words, if the story is told correctly, anyone should be able to see that we are from "Fantasy Paradise"!