When you have sexual fantasies, where do they occur?

For some people, the environment is of no significance at all, while for others, it is crucial for creating a certain mood or feeling. So, where do people most often imagine having sexual relations take place?

In a survey I conducted for my book "Tell Me What You Want", which involved 4,175 Americans, I asked questions about having sexual intercourse in over twenty different locations, ranging from your own bed to outer space, and everything in between.

Here are the top ten places where people most desire to have sexual relations:

On one's own bed (91% of people have fantasized about this)

At home, but not in your bedroom (90% of people have fantasized about this)

Sex in a hotel (90% of people have fantasized about it)

Natural sex (85% of people have fantasized about it)

Sex in public places (84% of people have had such fantasies)

Sex in a foreign country (83% of people have fantasized about this)

Sex in water (83% of people have fantasized about it)

Sex in a romantic setting (81% of people have fantasized about this)

Sex in a car (77% of people have fantasized about it)

Sex at work (73%) have had such fantasies)

Most people said they have fantasized about having sex in other places including: on a plane, in a library and at school.

What is the least likely scenario that people can imagine? Outer space - 21% of people said they have ever fantasized about outer space, while only 3% said they do so frequently.

Interestingly (and I think many people will be surprised too), "in one's own bed" is the scenario that most people have fantasized about before. This is also the scenario that people fantasize about the most (34% of people say they often fantasize about it). Moreover, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, "in one's own bed" ranks first among all groups.

People always think that fantasies must contain "fantastic" elements, but this is not necessarily the case. In many instances, our fantasies are merely reenactments of past real-life experiences.

Furthermore, when fantasizing about having sex in one's own bed, one might experience a certain sense of comfort or familiarity, making one feel at ease or relaxed. Consistent with this view, I found that the more people frequently fantasize about having sex in their own beds, the more they frequently fantasize about feeling safe, being loved, or establishing an emotional connection with someone - and the less they fantasize about sex that is completely devoid of emotion.

To further support this view, I studied the relationship between the fantasy of having sex in one's own bed and people's attachment styles. People with a higher level of attachment anxiety (for example, those who are afraid of being abandoned and need a lot of comfort) tend to have more frequent fantasies of having sex in their own bed. In contrast, those with a higher level of attachment avoidance (for example, those who are not very comfortable in intimate relationships) tend to have fewer fantasies of having sex in their own bed.

In other words, having sexual intercourse in one's own bed seems to evoke a greater sense of intimacy - and people seem to be more inclined to fulfill their intimate desires in the scenarios of their fantasies.

Of course, it is also worth noting that most participants indicated that they had fantasized about having sex in multiple different locations, which also suggests that the majority tend to engage in sexual activities in a mixed manner - they do not always fantasize about having sex in the same place.

That is to say, the places where people most frequently engage in sexual fantasies are usually not far from their homes.