Story summary: I was involved in a long-term polyamorous relationship with five people. My wife wanted to have a child with a specific person, but I didn't like that person. I didn't know how to stick to my position without appearing like a controlling jerk.

Extended Version: I have been together with my wife (34 years old, female, Lori) for 16 years and married for 13 years. Since the day we met at university, our relationship has always been very open. About eight years ago, we met another couple, Kyle (34 years old, male) and Andi (33 years old, female). They were also very open and had a polyamorous relationship. We immediately hit it off. In 2012, Andi became pregnant. After some calculations, we realized that I might be the father of the child. After discussing our future, we held a commitment ceremony in July 2012 and have been a united family ever since. At that time, Andi had already had a child with Kyle, and Lori and I had two children.

Joseph (34 years old, male) was the peripheral figure in all of this. Joseph and Kyle had been friends since college, and later Joseph, Kyle and Andy had had casual sexual relationships from time to time. They never had any serious relationship, but he often played the role of a third party in their trio. After the commitment ceremony, Joseph would occasionally join us in the bedroom for pleasure, but it was also intermittent and without any serious actions.

So, when Andy's child turned out to be Joseph's instead of mine, I wasn't particularly surprised. Although it was still a bit of a shock, it wasn't a big deal. The child was welcomed into our family, and Joseph became a more frequent visitor to our home.

About a year after the birth of the child, several events occurred that completely changed our lives. First, Andy and Lori both became pregnant again. We later learned that this time Andy's child was really mine, and Lori's child was Kels. Not long after that, Joseph had a very serious motorcycle accident. He was hospitalized for nearly two months, lost his job, lost his apartment, and needed a lot of help. Finally, we "temporarily" moved him here to help him out of the predicament. That was about a year and a half ago. He is still here. Karen is very happy to be able to stay with this old friend of hers, both women like him very much, and their sex life is also very pleasant, etc.

Three days ago, Lori was hinting that she needed to talk about something "serious", but didn't know how to start. After some discussion, she finally confessed. She wanted to have another child, and not just any child, she wanted to have a child for Joseph. She wanted to stop taking the medicine and asked me and Kyle either to abstain from sex or to have sex only with a condom before Joseph allowed her to get pregnant. I asked her why and she just shrugged her shoulders, saying she also loved him and that this was "fair". She said Andy and the three of us each had a child, and she also wanted to have a child with each of us. We talked for a while longer and she finally understood. This idea was his own, just because he hadn't had a child with her, he felt "left out".

Regardless of the naive notion that having children is merely to satisfy some people's sense of "fairness", I have several serious doubts about this. Firstly, our family already has six children, which is sometimes a bit too many. I thought we had finished having children and wasn't sure if I still wanted more. Secondly, there was no commitment made for Joseph. While all the others had held commitment ceremonies to tie the knot, he didn't.

But the most important and the simplest thing is this. I don't like this guy very much. I've never liked him. There's something strange about him that always makes me feel a bit unsure. To be honest, he reminds me of that unreliable used car salesman. He also drinks too much, is a bit paranoid, and his personality makes me uncomfortable. I don't object to his occasional visit to my house because he is Kyle's friend; I also don't object to their having sex because it's just sex and I understand the background of their relationship. But now I really wish I had understood back then. To be honest, I have always hoped that he would meet someone who doesn't like polyamory, so that he could stay away from our sex life and relationship. When he moved in after the accident, I remained silent because they just wanted to help, and the discussions about his long-term plans always suggested that he would move out again one day. When he really made me angry, I would tell myself "It's just temporary". Now, what I might be facing is that this guy might stay with me forever.

Kyle and Andy really liked this idea, thinking that Lori's pregnancy with Joseph was "very romantic". Lori wanted to establish some kind of connection with him. But me, every time I saw him, I seemed to get angrier and angrier, almost to the point of being furious. I really wanted to kick this guy out of the house and never let him come in again. I really wanted to give him a good beating for that smug face. I "temporarily" tolerated a person I hated because I wanted to be generous and helpful, and also because he was the father of Andy's child. Now, because I don't want to be a jerk and let a disabled person become homeless, he has integrated into our relationship and seems very content to stay there forever. If this time he really gets pregnant, I know he will never be able to move out.

How should I go about solving this problem? I actually don't care if Joseph gets hurt as a result, but all the other solutions seem to only cause my family unbearable pain, make them angry at me, or leave me to live in silent agony. I can't find any solution that doesn't harm the people I love and doesn't harm myself.

Does anyone have any opinions or suggestions? I don't want to lose this wonderful family we have built, but every option I see seems to cause harm to it. If the other members of your family all want to accept the new member, but you don't, what would you do?