Is sex really so serious? What would happen if we became silly, relaxed, or full of curiosity?
Many mainstream pornographic and romance films have shown us the performative and meticulously crafted sexiness. We usually don't consider the naive, clumsy, and genuine frolicking as part of "sexiness".
But the truth is: Adding more fun to the bedroom has many benefits, including:
Feeling more relaxed and present in the moment.
Engaging your erotic imagination for creative and curious sex.
Discovering new ways to connect with your partner during sex.
Allowing space for your own playfulness and imagination.
Letting go and getting out of your head.
Finding new ways to get turned on.
Worrying less about what sex looks like and engaging more with how it feels.
Bringing more fun into the bedroom!
How can we enjoy more pleasure?
Whenever you want to change the atmosphere of your bedroom, communication is a good place to start. Open communication means discussing the things you want to try, your sexual fantasies, or the sex toys you are interested in. Open communication can also include talking about your insecurities, and inviting your partner to also talk about their desires and insecurities without the fear of being judged.
Planning a "sex and fun" date night with your partner can help both of you reach a consensus on the intentions for that night. Let go of the goals of reaching climax or "the end of sex", and fully enjoy the pleasure of the erotic game. See what it brings to you.
Here are some ways to make your bedroom more interesting:
Sexual game
Cards such as "Erotic Dice", "I Bet" and "Hugging Sex Toys" are excellent guides for having a night filled with sensual pleasures.
The hints of dice or sexy cards can relieve the pressure of coming up with interesting ideas. It can also encourage both of you to participate equally by taking turns in the game. The mysterious luck in sexual games can also stimulate the spontaneity of the partners, because during sexual activities, the partners may also have wild thoughts!
Role-playing experiment
Role-playing in sexuality involves using the attributes, behaviors, clothing, and props of certain roles (such as a doctor, a teacher, a kitten, etc.), and sexualizing the behaviors of these roles to achieve pleasure. You don't necessarily have to think that your real-life doctor is sexy in order to play the role of a sexy doctor.
For some people, role-playing and dramatic performances come naturally; while for others, it requires practice and time to build confidence. The entry might make people feel scared and at a loss, so proceed gradually, starting with short scenarios, treating yourself and your partner gently - the performance doesn't have to be perfect - and don't give up easily. Explore erotic literature to stimulate your imagination. Click here for more tips on confident role-playing.
Exploring Foul Language
Dirty talk can be more fun if it’s playful because you aren’t worried about ‘sounding silly.' Dirty talk is definitely a skill, and while some people have a naturally vivid imagination, most people need to practice until they find the style of dirty talk that feels good for them. Here are some ways to get started with dirty talk:
Try coming up with sexy pet names for each other that you both like.
Try dirty talk in a non-sexual (but private) environment to start with—for example, be silly and dirty talk your dinner to each other.
Use dirty talk as part of your role play. What would your character say? How would they say it?
Explore sexting each other—use emojis to get more colourful and expressive.
Write erotica for each other and then take turns reading it out while animating the words with your voice and expressions.
Words have boundaries too. Communicate with each other to talk about the words that make you feel sexiness and the words that are off the menu.
Using sensory games to tease
Sensation play is all about stimulating our five senses in different ways. Sometimes sensation play involves temperature, textures, or hyperstimulation of one sense while under-stimulating another. Sensation play can help some bodies focus on what’s happening in the present moment because the body is acutely tuned into the focused stimulation.
You could explore sensation play in these fun ways:
Warming or cooling lubes or balms: Use these on erogenous zones to create contrasting sensations for the skin
Feather tickler: Use this on go-to hot spots like nipples and genitals, but also on under-serviced erogenous zones like necks, backs, stomachs, or inner thighs
Blindfolds: Tone down the visual sense and keep your partner guessing with which part of the body is going to experience what next.
Restraints: Restraints like cuffs can be a part of sensation play. The restriction of movement can be relaxing for some people making their body less tense and more receptive to sensation. Psychologically it might also help someone ‘let go.'
Glass dildos or stainless steel sex toys are great for getting playful with temperature
Wartenberg Pinwheels are a popular kinky tool for creating prickly sensations that pinpoint the skin without breaking it.
If you’re playing with restraints or blindfolds, just like with dirty talk, be sure to discuss boundaries, safe words, and what activities are on or off the menu.
When you’re trying out new things in the bedroom, it’s natural to feel shy or awkward about this. It’s okay to say to your partner, ‘I’m excited to get more playful but I’m also nervous I won’t be sexy!’
Go slow, set the expectation of play, and remember that learning more about your erotic self means you can always keep what you like and leave behind what you don’t!