Are you frustrated because your sexual performance isn’t where you want it to be? Are you having good sex, but wish you were having great sex instead?

The question of how men can get better in bed isn’t discussed nearly enough, and it’s time to change that.

A lot of guys incorrectly assume men are either naturally gifted in the bedroom or they aren’t; however, that simply isn’t true.

Just like every other activity in life, sex is something you can get better at with a little research and a lot of practice. The results you want are within your reach.

So how can you get them? Here are ten ways that pretty much any guy can get better in bed.

First, Believe You Can Be Good In Bed

You have to believe you can be better in bed before you can improve.

If you’ve already bought into the idea that there isn’t a solution to a disappointing or boring sex life, you don’t stand a chance of things getting better.

The old saying,“Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re probably right,” is true both inside and outside of the bedroom.

Saying you can’t is just another way of saying,“I give up,” or,“It’s not worth trying.”

The underlying reasons for bad sex or boring sex often take courage not just to discover, but also to change. The components of what makes for great sex (or, conversely, what makes for bad sex) can be complicated, too.

Usually, it’s a blend of many factors including physical health, mental health, relational health, and technique.

Addressing all of these takes time and effort, but the end result will be well worth your time.

So, as you look to get better in bed, recognize first that there are solutions out there. Next, figure out how to apply them in your own life.

Youcan be good at sex even if you’re disappointed right now. And no matter how skilled you are, there are always ways to become even better.

Abandon Unrealistic Sexual Expectations

Be realistic with your partner about your sexual expectations.

Hollywood sex scenes and the type of sexual expression you find on the Web don’t offer an accurate depiction of real sex. While you might find them to be a turn-on, recognize that they aren’t “how-to” guides for sex.

Unfortunately, a lot of people look at them as a reflection of reality, or of what sex is “supposed” to be. The result is that people often set expectations for their partners and sex lives that inevitably end in disappointment and hurt feelings.

There are a lot of unfair expectations and pressures placed on us when it comes to sex, and this is especially true for women. A recent study highlights this point by demonstrating how good sex and self-esteem are connected in women.

The more confident you both are that you can meet each other’s needs, the better the sex will be.

So how do you begin to separate out “porn sex” from “real sex?”

Start by putting everything in perspective. Recognize that what you see in the media is just entertainment—not education.

Also, keep a balanced perspective: just because sex in real life isn’t quite like the hot stuff you see in the movies, this doesn’t mean you can’t still have exciting sex. It just means you’ll need to work a little to find a happy medium, and this means realizing that not everything you see in porn has to become a part of your sex life.

The keys to exciting sex are different across individuals and couples, so you’ll need to find what works for you and your partner.

By all means, read what the experts have to say, and consider professional advice from a therapist if you’re really struggling—but at the end of the day, there’s a lot you’ll have to figure out and negotiate on your own with your partner.

Be Kind To Your Partner

How you treat your partner outside the bedroom matters when it comes to how they treat you in the bedroom.

When researchers survey people about the most important traits in a romantic partner, “kindness” and “honesty” routinely come in at the very top of the list, for women and men alike. People want a partner who treats them well.

The more you strive to be a kind and considerate to your partner each day, the better your sex life will be.

Being kind to each other will help keep your relationship in a good place, and that’s key because relationship problems are one of the biggest factors that get in the way of an active and satisfying sex life.

Of course, you also have to make sure you’re not just trying to be nice only to get what you want. Remember that people also want partners who are honest, which means that authenticity is key.

Talk Dirty

Although there are always exceptions, most women are more turned on by words than visual cues. Guys often are the exact opposite though.

Men tend to be extremely visual, explaining why they’re easily aroused by images of beautiful women or the mere sight of one in real life. In other words, physical attractiveness matters a lot to men.

Physical appearance is important to women too. 

Having said that, they tend to gravitate to the emotional side of intimacy. That’s why you’re more likely to find them reading love stories rather than ‘ogling’ over photos of handsome men with no shirt on.

Men are way more caught up in the physical ‘mechanics’ of sex. For women, it’s often the broader experience of feeling valued and loved that holds more weight.

Keeping these stark differences in mind can lead to much better sex. After all, approaching sex only from the perspective of what turns you on will leave you mostly blind to what turns her on.

Use your words to compliment her. Talk up her talents, accomplishments and beauty.

For the best results, provide positive affirmation inside and outside the bedroom. 

If you only compliment your girl during intimacy, she may start to wonder if the only thing you appreciate about her is the sex.