This might be a melody you are familiar with: You and your partner used to pull each other's clothes off and do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. Years passed, and sex gradually became confined to the bedroom and could only be scheduled. After some time, the scheduling changed from every weekend to twice a month, then twice a month, and finally to several times a year.
In the United States alone, it is estimated that 20 million people are in non-marital sexual relationships, which is often referred to as "bed death". Sounds terrifying, right? Of course, this is not a problem unique to the United States; it occurs all over the world. In fact, there is a concept called "passionate love", which refers to the stage in the early stages of a relationship where neither party can fully satisfy the other; there is also a term called "compassionate love", which refers to mutual care between partners rather than mutual desire.
Now, compassionate love is not wrong - and the intense passion gradually fading into a faint embers is not particularly flawed either - yet, maintaining a sexual relationship has so many benefits (for your health and your relationship) that you won't lose anything; instead, you will gain happiness!
How To Avoid ‘Bed Death’
Consider Your ‘Sex Number’
No, this is not the number of people you have slept with during your sexual activities. This is the ideal number of sexual encounters per week or per month for you. Think about the number of sexual encounters you have had. Ask your partner to think about the number of their sexual encounters. Then, inform each other.
Once you all have spoken out loud about your respective ideal number of sexual encounters, you can start working towards finding a compromise - isn't marriage and long-lasting love ultimately about "compromise"? Finding the middle ground can at least serve as the starting point for the conversation.
Make Time for It
Yes, what I'm talking about is setting a timeline for the development of a close relationship - not necessarily about sexual activities. Since you have already compared your sexual activity data, then make an appointment with your partner. The focus is not on sexual intercourse; it's just about being comfortably together. This could be hugging, just looking at each other intimately to see what the outcome will be (even something as simple as cuddling can be beneficial for the relationship), or you can reacquaint yourselves with each other's bodies through some sensual massages.
Sometimes, the way we deal with the lack of sexual life is to avoid the topic altogether, or even to avoid sexual acts themselves. Only by setting aside specific time for intimate contact can both parties confront the problem directly. However, apart from enjoying the time spent together, not setting any goals is a way to relax and enjoy each other's bodies.
Do Something New
Long-term relationships mean that you will meet the same person every day. Every morning, every evening, before work, after work. After some time, you will break the routine and meet in different and unusual places.
We didn't even discuss using the sexual approach to break free from your daily routine - like picking up a new hobby together, going out for a night with each other's friends - and recalling what your partner was like outside of daily life, as well as why you fell in love with them in the first place.
Make a Deal To Ditch Distractions
Choose a period of at least one hour during which both of you agree to put aside all distractions and commit to having a one-on-one conversation. This can be as simple as having dinner together and sharing a glass of wine at the table, rather than rushing to do the dishes afterwards.
At first, we talked about everything, but the key point was to actually talk. I hope that eventually you will once again have a period of time where you can put aside all distractions and listen attentively to your partner, without having to set a schedule for it.