Hello, doctor!

I'm almost 30 years old and have been in a long-term relationship with my first serious boyfriend named "D". I grew up in a very conservative religious environment, so I was relatively slow in terms of dating and sex, and I have experienced a lot of sexual shame. Although before meeting D, I had several brief and unpleasant sexual experiences, he was the one who "took away my virginity" (I hate this word, but I think it's the most accurate); I love him and I feel that our relationship is very fulfilling.

It was precisely because of the unconditional love and support he gave me that I was finally able to explore my sexual orientation, think seriously about it, and eventually accept the fact that I am a bisexual woman. Unfortunately, a monogamous relationship between a man and a woman made my understanding meaningless. When I told D that I was bisexual, he was very supportive and said that if I needed to go out and kiss a woman to explore my sexual orientation, he had no problem with it. I immediately rejected this proposal because I didn't want to jeopardize this relationship.

The problem is, now I really wish I had accepted his kindness back then; I love him so much. If I were forced to choose between exploring my own sexual orientation as a woman and keeping him, I would choose him. I once thought about suggesting to him that I would have a brief and casual relationship with a woman, or having a threesome with him, so that he could be involved. But I was really worried that if he didn't accept it, he would feel guilty for depriving me of these opportunities (I wasn't afraid of getting angry with him at all, but I was afraid he would feel hurt/embarrassed). About six months ago, I jokingly brought up the idea of a threesome to him. Although he wasn't hostile towards it, he didn't seem interested. So I gave up.

I also worry that one of the reasons why I am eager to expand my emotional connections might be our sexual relationship; our sex life is frequent and intimate, but not particularly bold. However, I do occasionally try to add some spice. Maybe I should first focus on enhancing our current sex life, and then explore the sex life beyond the romantic relationship? Or should I be honest with D about my feelings?

Your words here are truly self-deceiving, LfO. You have no reason not to - or rather, you cannot - pursue both of these options simultaneously. In fact, if you do so, it might be better for both of you and your relationship.

Starting a relationship requires trust and communication. Transitioning from a monogamous relationship to an open one can cause anxiety in everyone's mind. Some may worry that it means they are not good enough, that their sex life is not good enough, or that it's just a delaying tactic before ending the relationship. All of these are understandable. Maintaining and developing the sexual relationship within a romantic relationship is crucial for maintaining the vitality and health of the relationship... and it can also make everyone happier overall. Even if you haven't thought about having an open relationship, adding情趣to your sex life is an important part of the success of a long-term relationship. After all， sexual satisfaction is an important part of maintaining a relationship. Developing the habit of maintaining passion in the bedroom is how you and your partner can ignite the passion deep within you and your partner.

But you should also talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, LfO. Even if you eventually decide not to have any more relationships with any woman - whether now or during your relationship with D - another key to the success of a relationship is the ability to be honest with each other. Your sexual orientation is an important part of your identity, and you should feel that you can discuss this with your partner without worrying about being judged or criticized. Having a conversation with him - about how your sexual orientation becomes a part of your identity, what it means to you and your identity, etc. - can be an important way to convince him that he is not inadequate or lacking.

In my opinion, D's support for you and his willingness to let you have the freedom to express yourself is sincere. He sounds like a good man who loves and trusts you, and this is of crucial importance. Although it's understandable to worry that he's just saying it for show... sometimes, you have to be willing to accept the "yes" answer and believe in your baby when he tells you that he can accept certain things. I think you can feel at ease and talk to him about exactly what you want and need.

Even so, open relationships and mutually agreed-upon non-monogamy are part of dating 301. This can be a tricky area, especially when both of you are newcomers and lack experience. You both want to ensure that your thoughts are aligned, that you have a clear understanding of what the other person wants and needs, and that you have the right words to express yourselves. That's why I suggest that both of you do some research, even if you don't plan to openly discuss anything at all. I strongly recommend you read "Building Open Relationships", "More Than Two: A Moral Guide to Polyamory" and "Open: A Guide to Creating and Maintaining Open Relationships". These are some of the best guides that can help you move forward in the morally non-monogamous world and they can even be very helpful for the conversations. Just skimming through these books might be the best way to start "I want to openly discuss this", especially if you are nervous at the beginning. Treat it like a book club; read one and compare notes and share your thoughts on the author's perspective on the topic.

I don't recommend that you introduce your bisexuality in a way like "three people going together" or something similar. Well... in general, it's a bad idea, and it's more likely to bring you dramatic consequences rather than real help. There's nothing more distancing than conducting "three people going together" under false pretenses. When someone realizes that the real reason their partner suggested this was to sleep with someone else - or even worse, to be completely excluded at some point - then you can almost see the moment when their soul is thrown into the trash can. Or, you might feel that your sexual orientation is being used as a tool or a performance to please others? Well, it's more like kicking the soul's trash.

This does not take into account the feelings of the invited celebrities.

If the two of you decide to go for a threesome because you want to have a sensual adventure together, then fine, good luck to you both. But if this is done to explore sexual orientation? That would be terrible.

But in the end, the answers to all these questions are the same as what I have always been telling people: Communication, communication, and more communication. The more you and your partner talk about your sexual orientation and sexual life, the happier you will both be.

Good luck to you.