You have read about this phenomenon in books, on TV and in movies: simultaneous orgasm. Handsome men and beautiful women enjoy wonderful sex and eventually both reach the earth-shattering climax at the same time. It's easy for you to think that this is the orgasm you should achieve. If you can't, you might start to doubt whether there's something wrong with you. But for many people, achieving simultaneous orgasm is easier said than done.
If you are like most people, you may have never experienced simultaneous orgasm. You might even think it's just a myth. In fact, you probably don't often reach orgasm during sexual activity.
Science On Simultaneous Orgasm
There isn’t a ton of science on simultaneous orgasm, which isn’t surprising. Sex, in general, is a topic that isn’t necessarily well studied. But there are two specific studies in which simultaneous orgasm was either the focus or an important aspect.
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27.7% of women who orgasm during sex experience simultaneous orgasm – In one study, researchers examined when and how often women had orgasms as it pertains to the attractiveness of their partners. The survey found that of the women who orgasm during penetrative sex
41.9% orgasm before their partner ejaculates [1]
27.7% orgasm at the same time as their partners [1]
32.9% orgasm after the male partner ejaculates [1]
Either way you cut it, simultaneous orgasm is less common than orgasm at other times.
Researchers did discover one time when women were more likely to orgasm at the same time as their partners, however…
More masculine partners make simultaneous orgasm easier – If a woman found her partner to be more attractive or more masculine, she was more likely to orgasm at the same time as he did. The researchers suggest that this has a biological function such as aiding in pregnancy, but it can also explain why you might have an easier time achieving simultaneous orgasm with some partners.
A second study looked specifically at couples who had achieved simultaneous orgasm with the catch: the woman’s orgasm had to be a vaginal orgasm. Women who had orgasms during sex but through clitoral stimulation were discounted, which some people view as an oversight on the researcher’s part. The suggestion that there is a better type of orgasm, the vaginal orgasm, is one that the study seems to support and focus on. An average of 52% of women had vaginal orgasms during sex.
Simultaneous orgasm = higher sexual & relationship satisfaction – Regardless of the study’s shortcomings, it’s one of the few scientific inquiries into simultaneous orgasm. The study found that couples who came at the same time reported higher satisfaction both with their relationships and their sex lives. Multiple other studies find a correlation between sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction [2] [3]. Before you assume this means that having orgasms at the same time means you’ll be happier with your relationship, consider the following.
People who are happy with their partners and relationships are more likely to be relaxed, which makes having an orgasm in the first place easier. Plus, if you’re comfortable in your relationship, you probably have better sex and can talk about sex easier than if you weren’t. Being in tune with your partner might lead to being in sync with him.
Speaking of sexual satisfaction: How to sexually satisfy your man in bed and how to sexually satisfy your women.
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How to Have A Simultaneous Orgasm
You can orgasm, perhaps during sex but that’s only the first step to a simultaneous orgasm. Read on to learn exactly how to come at the same time.
When you take longer to orgasm than your partner does, you need to focus on you before you focus on him. This might mean him giving you a sensual massage, making out, dry humping on him or fingering yourself or giving you head. Don’t be afraid to use sex toys, especially vibrators and dildos, which help many women orgasm or orgasm more easily.
It might be worth trying positions that are good for your orgasm.
Cowgirl and other woman-on-top sex positions provide lots of clitoral stimulation. Both of you are free to touch your clitoris too
Thigh Tide position is a variation of Reverse Cowgirl. You face away from your man while his knee is bent so that you can grind against his knee.
Coital Alignment Technique was designed specifically to promote your orgasm during sex by aligning your hips during sex.
Remember, the goal isn’t to get off before penetration. Although, that might be okay if you know another orgasm is coming. The point is to get yourself super aroused and close to orgasm. When your man is about to come, you just need to push yourself over the edge.
You can continue doing this as your man enters you and begins to thrust (thrusting techniques). Pay attention to your man – his breathing and body language. It might help if he lets you know when he’s close to orgasm. If he can maintain his pace so that you can catch up, great! Let him know if he should slow down (slow sex techniques).