It is well known that women sometimes pretend to have an orgasm with their partners. At the same time, it seems that people think men would not do this because it is generally believed that men usually reach orgasm easily. But is this really the case? We have received many questions from readers about this issue. A few years ago, we published an answer; however, today, based on some new research that emerged later, we have re-examined this question. Here are the initial questions raised:

A few days ago, I had a rather intense discussion with a few friends about the topic of "pretending to have an orgasm". The focus of our discussion was on the myth that "men either don't or can't pretend to have an orgasm". My conversation seemed to suggest that pretending to have an orgasm is not uncommon among men, because it seems that everyone has at least experienced this once. But obviously, this is only true for some of my friends. So, is pretending to have an orgasm a common experience for men?

Initially, when we answered this question on the blog, the research showed that 25% of men indicated that they had pretended to have an orgasm [1]. This study also revealed that men are quite creative in their attempts to fake an orgasm. They employ a variety of techniques, ranging from concealing the lack of "evidence" to making additional sounds to pretend that the orgasm has ended.

A new study has found that the proportion of men who fake orgasms is actually slightly higher. A 2024 study indicated that this proportion was 34%. Interestingly, the proportion of gay men who fake orgasms seems to be even higher. In another study published in the same year, researchers discovered that 83% of gay men said they had faked an orgasm before, and 88% of men had faked sexual satisfaction [2].

So, why do so many men pretend to have an orgasm? Early research suggests that men do this mainly because they want to end the sexual encounter, or because they realize they cannot reach orgasm (for example, due to being drunk). In other words, it seems that men often pretend to have an orgasm to make themselves feel better; in contrast, women are more likely to pretend to have an orgasm to please their partners and protect their emotions. However, recent studies have shown that this is not the whole story. Men sometimes pretend to have an orgasm to support their partner's emotional well-being. Therefore, the gender differences in motivation may not be as significant as previously thought.

An interesting aspect of false orgasms was only recently explored, that is, why people decide to stop pretending. A recent cross-national study involving over 11,500 participants from six different countries found that 19% of men and 34% of women said they had pretended to have an orgasm but later stopped [4]. The reasons for stopping the pretence are numerous, including improved communication skills in sex, partners being able to better satisfy their desires, and greater adaptability to situations where there is no orgasm during sex.

However, there are some interesting differences in the reasons for no longer pretending between genders. For instance, men are more likely to stop pretending than women because they are exposed. Men are also more likely to stop pretending because they start to feel more confident. In contrast, women are more likely to stop pretending because they feel more at ease about not having an orgasm.

All these studies show that pretending to have an orgasm is a common experience, and men sometimes do it as well. However, this study also indicates that we should focus more on promoting better communication about sexual desire and needs, because satisfying one's own needs can reduce the stress associated with pretending to have an orgasm. Communication is always the key!