What exactly do we mean by gender identity? How do you understand your own gender identity? In this guide, we will explain some common gender identities to you, including some terms that can help describe relationships and sexual attraction, and explore the differences between sexual attraction and gender identity. Additionally, if you want to learn more about the broader concepts of gender identity, you may refer to some resource links.
What does "gender identity" mean?
This term refers to the way you experience attraction and the people you tend to be attracted to. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction can sometimes be separate. Some people may experience romantic attraction but not sexual attraction, and vice versa; or they may feel romantic attraction towards one gender but have sexual attraction only towards the other gender.
Although many people believe that only a few people with a certain sexual orientation are troubled by it, exploring the ways of experiencing sexual desire can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself, regardless of who you are attracted to. Moreover, although society generally believes that the majority are heterosexual, the number of people defining themselves as other sexual orientations, apart from "gay men" or "heterosexual", is also increasing increasingly in the sexual orientation spectrum. At least in the UK, young people are more likely to define themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender than the older generation. The latest census data shows that among people aged 18-24, 6.9% consider themselves LGBT+, while among those aged 35-44, this proportion is 3.5%, and among those 65 and above, this proportion is less than 1%.
Sexual identity and gender identity
Although the two are often discussed in the same breath, and sometimes conflated such as in the acronym ‘LGBT’ or under the umbrella term ‘queer’, it’s important to note the difference between gender and sexuality. Your gender is about who you are, your sexuality is about who you’re attracted to. So you can be transgender (someone whose gender does not match the sex they were assigned at birth) or cisgender (someone whose gender does match the sex they were assigned at birth), a man or a woman, and knowing this about your personal identity does not necessarily determine anything about your sexual identity.
A straight, transgender man means someone who was assigned female at birth but is a man, who is attracted to women.
A gay, cisgender woman is someone who was assigned female at birth, is a woman, and is attracted to women.
Here are a few terms we use to discuss someone’s gender identity:
Man/woman/non-binary/genderqueer – the person’s gender
Male/female/intersex – the person’s sex
Transgender/cisgender – whether their gender matches their sex assigned at birth
How do I know what my gender identity is?
This issue is worth millions of dollars! As a society, we tacitly assume that everyone is heterosexual/homosexual, which is not healthy for us - this means that those who do not consider themselves heterosexual are often regarded as "outsiders" and are excluded because of their sexual orientation. More importantly, this means that many people who might have originally believed that their sexual orientation is more flexible or broader than simply "heterosexual" have never received the support and encouragement they need to raise questions, explore desires and attractions, and understand what they mean to them.
Some people believe that sexual orientation is fixed. You may have heard the phrase "born that way", and many people experience their sexual orientation in this way: they know from a young age who they like, and feel that this attraction will remain relatively stable throughout their lives. However, others discover that when they have the freedom to explore and question, they gradually realize their sexual orientation.
If you are unsure about your sexual orientation, it might be helpful to carefully consider which factors you think influence your interest in others. Think about which types of people you are more attracted to in terms of love and sex, and then ask yourself:
Is their gender important for me to be attracted to them?
Which gender characteristics of theirs attract me? For instance, to what extent do their external appearances (masculine, feminine, and androgynous) depend on their body shapes (strong shoulders, unique genitals, round hips), as well as their behaviors and manners.
How much of my attractiveness comes from the sexual aspect and how much from the romantic aspect?
These are just some introductory questions, but if you want to further explore your sexual orientation, we recommend you read this magazine by Meg-Joan Buck - "Mapping Your Sexual Orientation". Meg-Joan is the author of several books on sex, gender, and relationships. This free resource provides a great guide on how to explore your needs and desires in a curious way, without any judgment or shame.
You might also want to join some LGBTQ+ groups or contact support-oriented charities. Switchboard is a hotline that provides unbiased support to LGBTQIA+ individuals across the UK. They also offer email and chat services.