The best sexual experiences are rarely spontaneous. Or, even if they are spontaneous, it is because the conditions at that time were conducive to their "spontaneity".
People often complain to me about the lack of spontaneity in their sex lives. It seems like it's a bad thing. They often recall how their early sex lives were so easy and obviously "spontaneous". But I ask them back, was it really spontaneous? I point out that their sex lives back then were far from spontaneous: you would be full of anticipation, thinking about your new relationship, spending time getting dressed up, preparing for the meeting. Then, when you met, you would do some interesting things, be fascinated by each other, spend hours chatting, dancing or having fun. So, when you got home, you couldn't wait to take off your clothes...
That's not spontaneous. Before having sex, you have to spend several days and several hours looking forward to it, thinking about it, and getting fully involved.
As time went by, people started living together, and all aspects of their lives were integrated into their relationship: work, logistics, children, finances, and so on. They worked all day, dealt with daily chores, and perhaps spent an hour or more sitting in front of the screen... Then, exhausted, they would collapse onto the bed, completely drained... And they would think that they should suddenly become some greedy sex maniac and engage in spontaneous sex!
No. It wasn't just a spur-of-the-moment decision. The reason it works well is because the conditions were right at that time. Just like other wonderful things in life. Think about it - how many experiences are spontaneous? Maybe occasionally there are, but it doesn't happen often. You want to have a party with friends, go to a show, do some exercise, take a vacation, cook a good meal - all of these require planning, leaving space in your life to ensure you have all the elements that make everything wonderful. If you want a delicious meal, you must ensure that your kitchen has the right ingredients, you need time and energy to cook, and you must have the knowledge and skills required for cooking. If you have all these conditions, then yes, you can spontaneously make a good meal.
So, if you want to have a wonderful sex life "naturally", as long as you are well-prepared for it, you can easily achieve it. This means you need:
Create time and space in your life
Don't get too tired
Don't get distracted
Feel closely connected to your partner
Be in a relaxed and attractive environment
Control the pace of approaching and interacting so that both of you are awakened and don't rush
Understand each other's preferences and needs
Be able to express what you want and need at the moment
Don't have expectations that lead to stress and anxiety
Enjoy the fun of connection and jointly create wonderful experiences at every moment
After all of this happens, you will enter what I call the "calming state", where you will feel love, connection, relaxation and vitality. In that state, sex can be done as you wish because you have made your life and relationship friendly to sex.