Call Dr. Happy Pi!

Over the past year, my spouse and I transformed our relationship from a vague racial non-monogamous marriage to a completely open polyamorous relationship. I am delighted to tell you that it has been very successful. We still live happily together, and each of us has a partner with whom we are completely infatuated.

So, what's the problem? Well, I'm diving headfirst into an era of "capital S" sluts. All my partners fully understand and support what I'm doing. We have set boundaries and safety protocols, including protection and testing. I'm excitedly exploring a new side of myself, and the sincere understanding from my partners is a gift to me.

However, after several dates (under the guise of "casual dates" and "short-term relationships"), I began to realize that I am more of a bisexual than I thought, which made me a little depressed. It's bad to admit this loudly, but I hope I don't need to care about your (very cute) cat, or your excessive focus on the typewriter, and I think it's actually very cool that people have niche interests. I hope I can care less about these things, have sex directly with others. On the other hand, I found that when my date was interested in something I strongly disagreed with, I would lose interest quickly - for example, I shortened the date because this girl kept talking about artificial intelligence models. I hope I can forget about this, not care, do what we both want and are interested in, and then leave happily.

So, Dr. Happy Pi, how can I become a red-letter slut and still overcome my desire to get to know someone? What's going on here?

Cheers!

A prostitute whom you can admire

In order for me to truly understand your meaning, do you want to know how to have sexual relations with someone you don't really care about?

So, I'll ask you a question in return: Why?

Let's not worry about how your sexual appeal works for now; don't worry, we'll discuss that later. First, let's focus on your desire for more unrestrained sexual experiences, rather than adding more people to your polyhedron.

So, seriously: Why is building connections so important? What exactly do you hope to gain from having more sexual encounters with more people? Don't get me wrong: I fully support people engaging in sexual activities based on their own preferences, as much or as little as they want. But I think at least you should figure out why you might want to have more casual dates, and what it could bring you. If the issue is not about sex, especially if sex doesn't effectively meet this need, then it doesn't make much sense.

Is it to gain recognition? Do you feel that you have missed something and are trying to make up for the lost time? Do you strongly desire the diversity of sexual life, and two loyal partners are simply not enough? Do you long for or need certain types of sexual life, but your partner is unable or unwilling to provide it, so you seek it elsewhere with the permission and encouragement of your partner?

The reason why I asked this question is partly because if this desire conflicts with your sexual arousal pattern and your sexual desire, then for me, it might not be related to your sexual desire at all, but rather to what sex means to you.

But this might not be the case. Maybe it's just that you have a strong libido and enjoy novelty, so you won't go any further. This is completely reasonable. But it can indeed make things a bit tricky when you finally find what you truly want. Especially when there is a conflict between your general desire for sex and your desire for a specific partner.

This is why I find it so strange that you think it's a problem to have someone you sleep with as a partner.

From a practical perspective now, I can understand why you want more casual dates; just like many polyamorous people joke, the most important component of polyamory is the shared Google Calendar. Trying to balance two (or more) loyal and emotionally intimate relationships, making both parties feel undervalued and ensuring that each party's needs are met, requires a lot of effort. At the same time, maintaining multiple romantic relationships is not a simple addition or subtraction, but an exponential increase. If your main goal is just something new and different, then those dates that serve as a prelude to a more loyal relationship will only make things more complicated and make the other party feel deceived... and not in a pleasant and interesting way.

However, this seems to conflict with your sexual function. If you are more bisexual than you realize, then you might have to accept that this is how you operate. Theoretically, you might be able to work with people you don't necessarily like or have a strong connection with, but this is likely to be like going against the current. You can certainly try, and perhaps you will gain something... But at the same time, you will have to put in much more effort to achieve half the result, and the return you ultimately get may not be proportional to the effort you have put in.

If you can establish a stronger emotional or sexual connection with someone you don't know or like very well, then it seems that you shouldn't have any objections to having an overnight affair or breaking up with an artificial intelligence model. You know, once her interests and hobbies last for more than twenty minutes, any creaking or sticky sounds on the mattress will distract her... Unless your little brother clearly disagrees. I think this is the key.

Even so, you might be focusing too much on the "random" and wild aspects of the future, rather than on "how wild you are". This is one of the reasons why I asked you about your motivation; if it's to prove something by having sex with random people, that's one thing. But perhaps having a series of friends who occasionally go out together is more feasible. If you don't need to fall in love with someone before being attracted to them, then finding people you like to hang out with might not be so difficult. Sometimes you'll end up at someone's place and test the structural integrity of the mattress under pressure.

Regarding a series of short-term relationships, there are also some points worth noting. If people (well, one could say) appear continuously rather than having a few this week and then a few the next week, and so on, over and over again, then promiscuity remains promiscuity. Yes, I think some might say this is just a continuous monogamous system with an additional step, but "spending a month with this person, then three weeks with that person, and then one and a half months with this person" would really go against your overall goal or needs, wouldn't it?

If you place more emphasis on the "random" aspect, I think you might not be very lucky. But if you are willing to be more flexible and adjust according to your sexual orientation, I think you will achieve better and more satisfactory results.

Personally speaking: Over the years, I have set a rule for myself: I will not have sex with those who cannot become friends with me. I have had sex with some extremely attractive people, but on a personal level, I simply didn't connect with them. To be honest, sex is not worth it. On the other hand, even if it's just a one-night stand, having sex with those people whom I genuinely enjoy chatting with and who can become friends without considering sex is better for everyone.

If you want to truly enjoy your era as a slut rather than merely experiencing it, you might need to consider similar rules.

Good luck to you.