It seems that I have a very bad relationship with my virginity, especially when I was in my twenties. I hated it, I despised it, I despised it. To be honest, I really wanted to get rid of this burden that was like a brick crushing me.

To be honest, it's 2024 now. This is very trendy. Sex-positive (thanks to Bumble), feminists shame, belittle and ridicule men's virgins (as well as the size of their penises). This is somewhat understandable because, to be frank, many male virgins (or involuntary singles) are very dangerous people. Women and queer individuals are completely entitled to fear and loathe male virgins. Unfortunately, this fear has put virgins and involuntary singles (I know this is a very radical concept) into a confrontation. I do live in a very chaotic, very sexually active and promiscuous society/era, to the extent that I seriously doubt that any female virgin is not doing so out of choice or ironic femcels (maybe a few Ace women). Well, I want to join this wild and sexy group and get rid of the disgusting burden of being a failed virgin as a teenager. To be honest, many women will view a 20-something man still being a virgin as a huge danger signal because what does it indicate? His character? His personality? Is he dangerous? This is like slut-shaming, just in reverse.

But deep down in my heart, I was filled with disgust and hatred towards myself (and other virgins). This almost drove me crazy in my daily life. At work, I saw pairs of beautiful couples (of the same age or even younger than me) smiling brightly and gazing deeply into each other's eyes. In my heart, I secretly thought: "What the hell is wrong with me? How can they do it effortlessly, while I can't? What excuse do I have?"

I'm undergoing treatment, and the treatment has been somewhat effective because the majority of my therapist's clients are women or queer individuals. And... she kind of treated me as a flawed woman. I began to feel that many therapists are simply not good at dealing with men, so that's another point.

So what should I do? How can I release my anger, hatred and disgust towards this matter, which should have been completely neutral and insignificant?

Sincerely

Dr.happy pi:

So I'll start with something obvious: The problem is not your virginity. If your virgin status is the root cause of so many problems and you hate it so much... Well, here's the good news! This problem can be solved with money! Hire an independent escort, clearly indicate that you want to lose your virginity, give her a generous tip, bang! The problem is solved. If you're worried about legal issues, in the United States, Europe and other places, there are legal brothels and places where sex work is legal. Do your research, read reviews, find someone you find attractive, who can provide the services you want, can afford it, enjoy the experience, and then be glad that you're no longer a virgin.

But to be honest: There is a reason why this "it doesn't count" or this way of losing virginity is worse. Because it has nothing to do with whether one is a virgin; it's about what you think a virgin represents. You don't want to lose your virginity; you want to feel special enough, manly enough, to have sexual relations and to be chosen by the male gatekeeper. But as I have said many times before: Women are not the Mjolnir hammer. There's no note on their underwear saying "Anyone who is qualified to take off this underwear will have the power of scoring." Sex doesn't just give to those who are qualified. People always have sex with their partners, and the main condition for a partner is "the least offensive choice" or "you are here, you are alive, you will do it", because the reason people have sex has nothing to do with the person they have sex with.

If you hand over your virginity to a sex worker, you will almost certainly be much better off than if you awkwardly flirt with a woman. That woman will come to you at closing time because she was drunk, was angry with her ex-boyfriend, and wanted to assert her position. But the former is "legal", while the latter is not. This depends on how you feel about yourself and the meaning of sexual behavior. Even so, in both cases, theoretically the people who have sex with you would not be interested in you as a person.

All of this indicates that the call was made from inside the house. So I'm going to give you the same advice as I have given to many young people in a similar situation as yours. HBB: Get out of Reddit. I also want to add that you should delete your TikTok, YouTube, Snapchat accounts, and unfollow all accounts on Instagram except for those of your closest friends and family.

But before that, I suggest that you take some time to carefully read through your FYP and the suggestions.

Do you want to know why you have these thoughts and feelings? Take a look at what's on FYP. I'm willing to spend five dollars to buy an American dollar bill, which is filled with nonsense like "Red Pill" and "incel" (unwillingly celibate), a bunch of complaints about sex and women, and a lot of shouts about how unfair and ridiculous dating is, and why women have all the power and advantages except for humiliating virgins.

Now, why should I tell you to pay attention to the content on social media? It's simple: This is an insight into your soul. The content you see on platforms like FYP, YouTube homepage, Instagram homepage, etc., has been filtered by algorithms. They will recommend content related to your current interactions. So, if you see many fans of Andrew Tate discussing how to control your stability, or see some men talking about penises and virginity, or wildly misunderstanding the meaning of sexual positivity, it's almost certain that you have been following similar videos and posts.

No matter how unconventional you think you are, no matter how strong-willed you consider yourself, and no matter how liberal-minded you claim to be, you cannot escape the influence of propaganda and marketing. Whenever someone claims that they are not influenced by marketing or others' viewpoints, Don Draper will laugh and pour himself a double shot of bourbon whiskey, and end a failed marriage. Advertising is such a field where people think they are the exception, while everyone else is considered despicable. This is precisely why the advertising industry has become a multibillion-dollar industry.