Many people helped me preview some materials. I would like to share a letter I received and my reply. The main topic of the entire article is: How often do I need to have sex with my husband? What level is considered fair? When is it enough?

Dear Happy Pi, I have read some of your articles and I hope to receive a clear reply from you. Please be honest and tell me. How often do men need to have sexual intercourse? I feel that my husband desires sexual activity every day, or at least four or five times a week. I feel that I don't need it. I just don't think about it. My husband says he thinks about it every day, and often during the day.

I noticed that if we didn't have sex for a few days, he would become withdrawn and silent. I found it easier to ignore his attempts to express his love towards me. Pretending not to notice his attempts to excite me became easier as well. I saw the pain in his eyes. I could go without sex for weeks or even months. Since he couldn't do it, I tried to do the right thing. He was still dissatisfied because he said I felt like I was sympathetically having sex with him. I couldn't win. He wanted me to desire him. He wanted me to desire sex as much as he did. Please help me! If I had a goal to strive for, I could try to make a corresponding plan, which might be helpful.

— Not hot enough —

Dear "Not Hot Enough",

Thank you for your excellent question. I believe this answer will be helpful to many women who have similar problems.

Let's first ask the following question. If you go to your husband and tell him: "I really need you to say 'I love you' more frequently", how would you feel? He took a deep breath and said: "I'll do my best. But tell me, how often do you need to say it? Tell me a number and I'll make a plan to meet your expectations."

Isn't this a devastating blow for you? You might think: "I thought he loved me. Now, he has to plan in advance to tell me that he loves me. Maybe he doesn't love me as much as he claims." The injury you suffer is not because he didn't say he loves you, but because his response implies something. You might feel that he doesn't care about you, and even think that you're not worthy of being loved.

For most men, the experience of sex is the same. When asked how often they need sex, men usually reply that what matters is not the frequency, but what sex means to them! The way a wife responds to her husband is like saying: "I still desire you. You are sexy. I want you. I want to be with you in that way. You make me feel sexy. Let me tell you, I love you and care about your feelings." (Or, on the contrary!)

My experience is that most women believe that sex is mainly a physical need for men. This is a wrong notion. You should abandon this idea and seriously consider your husband's needs. One of the biggest needs of your husband is to feel your desire for him!

If he senses that his wife desires him, this will affect every aspect of his life. (And vice versa. If he senses that his wife doesn't want him, every aspect of his life will collapse.) If you say to him: "OK! <Hehe> Let's do it, solve the problem! ", what he hears is that you have no desire for him. He no longer "does things for you". He no longer makes you feel sexy and passionate. And (this is the worst part) you have lost your love for him.

If your husband senses that you still long for him, he will feel happy. He will feel that he is a successful man. This will help him have the ability and courage to overcome future challenges.

I think that the sexual desires of many (if not most) women are different from those of most men. (Yes, there are some couples where the sexual desires are stronger. I admit this.) Let's think back to the situation where you asked your husband to say "I love you". Many men just didn't say it enough, or didn't express enough emotions in their words. Many men simply didn't think of saying it at all.

The ladies believe that their husbands can make progress in this regard. They can develop the habit of expressing love and care, and do so enthusiastically rather than being forced to do so. This is extremely important emotionally for the wives and all women.

Now let's talk about the key point of this story. The same is true for sex. Maybe there are some physical and emotional issues that prevent you from having sex with your husband. But for him and for yourself, you have the responsibility to seek help and solve these problems. Many women do not realize how important it is to develop the habit of expressing love to your husband in this way. Make up your mind and express your love passionately. This is done because you understand your husband, and you hope to nourish and fill his emotional storage room through having sex with him.

Let's be honest with each other. Some women simply don't think about having sex at all. They are occupied with being mothers and taking care of household chores, so they are too tired to have sex. Here's a solution! Plan it! Set aside time in your mind for having sex with your husband. A lady wrote to me saying that she would have sex with her husband every Saturday night. She had to plan it. This changed her mind. She planned and thought about "how" to do it, so that she would also desire sex on the other nights of the week. Now she really enjoys spending time with her husband. Her husband feels the same way!

Planned sex is not like the scenes in movies. In movies, women are thrown onto beds or pushed against walls, and then left to be ravaged by them. But life is not like that. Most of us have very fulfilling sex lives when we first get married. Most husbands dream of such times.

The average sexual need of men seems to be at least several times a week. However, there is no "optimal amount" of sexual encounters that men require. The real need lies in the feeling "My wife desires me, she wants to have sex with me!" When you find a way to express this feeling to him, you might also discover that he will show more care and devotion towards you.

Ladies, as I mentioned in an article before, I will repeat it now. "Don't let your husband carry a loaded gun around! Maybe one day when he comes home, he'll be holding a real gun in his hand!" I'm not saying this can be an excuse for infidelity. But you can help build a protective barrier for him, safeguarding your relationship. Understand and respect his true emotional need to be loved.

Now, please allow me to ask you some questions. You can answer them by yourself.

How many times have you failed to respond to his advances?

Did he touch or hug you, but you didn't respond?

How many sexy messages did you ignore from him on your phone?

· What sexual demands did he make of you that you overlooked?

When you two got married, how open were you in your pursuit of him? So, how about now?

When was the last time you tried your hardest to seduce him?

Have you noticed that he is no longer coming close to you as frequently as before?