I have known this couple for about three years. Over the years, we have done many things together. Fixing their light bulbs has never been a problem for me. I love them both. During the toughest times of my life, whether it was work, dating or other crises, they were always by my side. They are my family. I always look forward to going to their house on weekends to watch movies, play games, or draw together with them. Those were the best times.

They broke up recently. I tried to help them get through the tough times because I have been divorced before and have also experienced being severely criticized in many dates. But in the end, they just couldn't get along. At least not now.

From here on, things became extremely complicated. These two people have been in my life for a long time. I don't want to easily choose one and abandon the other. Both of them asked to go out with me alone, and I agreed. He told me that he admitted that he and she would become closer and that he was dating other women, but he had already let go of all this. At the same time, she admitted her feelings for me. We did end up sleeping together during one of our outings recently.

I feel very conflicted. I feel like a snake, manipulating a long-term deception that I never imagined. She is such a beautiful person. Over the years, our love for education, language, art, and our shared spiritual practice history have bound us closely together. This has made sex and intimate relationships extraordinary. All the ways we tried always fit perfectly. Even our love language can blend together very well.

She emphasized that we are two consenting adults, doing adult things together. This is our own business and has nothing to do with others. I couldn't refute this logic. She told me that she had let go, but it just wasn't right between us. She seemed to understand why I felt conflicted.

I think the key issue is, where is the boundary? We have indulged ourselves and experienced romance and intimacy together. Was that wrong? Have I pushed myself into a dangerous situation that eventually led to the breakdown of my social circle? Or, as she said, are we just two adults doing adult things, and it's none of our business?

It wasn't until I started spending more time alone with her that I began to have this feeling. The feeling was completely different. I felt that I could no longer look him in the eye, and I hoped he wouldn't notice.

I'm with Jesse's girl.

Dr.happy pi:

One of the issues I discussed earlier was how poor the reasoning about motivation is. The problem is that you start from a specific position or have a desired or expected outcome, and then infer in reverse to prove it. This problem often occurs in dating and romantic relationships; you will see people starting from positions like "it's impossible to meet someone" or "women want X or Y", and then come up with absurd examples or hypothetical scenarios, which are simply impossible to make the probability of winning Powerball and Mega Millions simultaneously higher.

Well, this is the part of the problem that you need to deal with now, IWJG. The reason why this becomes a problem is that you anticipated it would become a problem, and then everything started from there. You constructed a scenario in your mind, and for some reason, you have been meticulously planning and preparing for this moment.

OK, let me sincerely ask you a question: Which do you think is more reasonable? Is it that you act like a tiny finger, carefully guiding the development of things, waiting for the right moment until you finally get what you want? Or is it that you have been in a relationship with someone who shares many common values and passions, has a similar background, and is attractive to you?

While you are carefully considering this issue, I would like to point out that intimacy - the inclination to form relationships with the people you spend the most time with - is one of the strongest yet most underestimated aspects of attraction. Considering that you have been in relationships with both of them for a long time, and you also spent some time alone with her after the break-up, I wouldn't say it's inevitable, but it's not surprising that one or both of you developed feelings. So I think you can relax a bit.

Next, I would like to point out that getting excited and worried about your friend's feelings is basically denying the autonomy of his ex-partner / your current precious daughter. In front of your big bad wolf, she is by no means a naive child or a girl from the forest. On this point, I have to agree with her: you two are both voluntary single adults, doing what single adults do. This really has nothing to do with anyone. Anyone who has an opinion on this can keep this information confidential. This includes those nosy people in your social circle who might think this is a huge betrayal. They can think whatever they want, but their opinions are only important if you allow them to be. Love relationships are not democratic; people can have opinions, but they have no voting rights.

But even if you have never done such a thing, what about the brotherly bond? How does your brother feel? Isn't it a betrayal if you are with her?

OK... What about them? I know my stance might make people think I'm annoying, but... Yes, he might be your buddy, but it's none of his business anymore. They broke up. I've always said that you can't boss other people around, and the inevitable consequence of this statement is that there's no such rule as "I win, it's mine forever". They dated before, and this fact might - I emphasize "might" - temporarily make people feel embarrassed, but they are no longer a couple. There are no exclusive expectations between them anymore, and they have no right to decide who she can date or sleep with. Even if your buddy has any opinions about your relationship with her, he doesn't have the right to vote. The only person who can decide who she will date in the future is herself and the person she chooses to date. In this case, it's you.

Equally important is that he has actually already accepted this relationship. He clearly tells you that he anticipated this would happen and that he is currently dating someone else. He straightforwardly says that he has let go of everything. He may not be standing in the cockpit to guide you to land, but he definitely has indicated that he won't get in your way. If he finds that it's not the case, he is merely theoretically calm about it... Well, that's his problem, not yours. This is something he has to deal with himself. Hopefully, he has enough emotional intelligence and maturity to recognize this and not let it become something you need to handle.

Will this damage your social circle? I don't know. People get very strange about some of the most ridiculous things. I remember some of the people I knew who, in an attempt to solve the problem of a couple's breakup, held a genuine summit and decided on the best way to handle it - who should stay and who should leave. However, the key point is that all the participants were even under the legal drinking age. I guess none of you are still in high school, and all those dramas from high school are over, but for some people, high school life will never end.

Should you consider your relationship that way? Absolutely not. If one of you performed poorly during the relationship, or behaved extremely badly when breaking up, I can understand what kind of problems that could cause. But from what you said, that breakup was quite friendly and clean-cut: they got along well before, and then it just didn't work out, so they broke up. If others simply think it's wrong for a single woman and a single man to sleep together just because they are in the same social circle, then I really don't know how to advise you, unless you need friends who are more mature than high schoolers.

But to be honest, here, anyone's opinion, including my own, doesn't matter. What truly matters is only you and her. You and she have found happiness, and this is no small matter. Perhaps it will be a brief encounter like a comet - dazzling when it passes across the sky, but fleeting. Perhaps it will be a long-lasting love. Anyway, you don't need to worry about the future. In fact, what you and she have now - precisely what you two share and can bring you joy and comfort - is something you should cherish. Because giving up all this due to some wild thoughts and assumptions is truly shameful.

Good luck to you.