Many of you have followed my journey of sexual awakening and transformation, and have known many of my thoughts and opinions. I have also previously expressed my belief that I am not suitable to be a mother. There are many reasons for this. To maintain anonymity, I don't want to be too specific, but I will still list some.

First of all, my health condition is not very good. I have been experiencing some problems, and some of them are directly related to my menstrual cycle. This was an important aspect that I needed to figure out before getting married, because... If a woman doesn't even know what's going on with herself, she won't be able to use her cycle for conception or contraception!

Secondly, my tolerance for pain is zero. Sometimes I joke that I'd rather get shot than endure the pain of vomiting or a sore throat, because these pains are just too unbearable. Later, when I witnessed my sister and other female acquaintances going through pregnancy, this strengthened my belief even more: I simply cannot bear the pain of a nine-month pregnancy and childbirth.

Thirdly, both my psychological state and my physical condition make me extremely anxious about any form of medical consultation or treatment. I have been struggling with this since childhood. The tension has taken hold of my entire body, and I have experienced crying, fainting, and stomach discomfort. As I grew older, this situation did not improve, which is very disheartening. I don't understand why some people can easily make it to their doctor's or dentist's appointments, while others, like myself, cannot overcome the physical anxiety. Believe me, I always try, through prayer, quoting scriptures, deep breathing, self-talk, and so on. But for anything more important than an eye examination, these methods don't work. That's why I try my best to avoid getting myself into this situation, if I can.

Fourth (and this is the most important point), I believe that being a parent is a calling, a profession. If you devote yourself to it wholeheartedly, you must be steadfast and persistent, especially if you are a Christian. The responsibility of raising a child for eighteen years is very serious and very special. I did not feel this calling. Just as I know that I was not called to become an engineer, a nurse, or a jungle missionary, I know what powers God has given me and roughly know how He wants me to use these powers to glorify Him and spread His gospel.

Now, marriage might be part of His plan; I can imagine myself marrying a man who shares the same passion for Christ (perhaps even more so!) as I do, and working together to reach out to others. But marriage has already become a very challenging task for me. Anyway, that will be my primary mission, because we should love our spouses first, and then love others. So, adding children to this, it will be overwhelming for me.

This might sound like I'm avoiding reality, or that I'm afraid of challenges. I assure you that's not the case! I'm simply starting to view these aspects of life through the lens we use for other things: with wisdom and common sense. If something is destined to happen, don't just take on the responsibility because it's taken for granted.

My question is that there are very few comments regarding this issue. A Christian YouTuber and radio show host whom I really admire actually agrees with my stance. He also cited some Bible themes to support his viewpoint. But I really want to hear other people's opinions. Can one choose to get married but not have children? Does anyone think there is a reason in the Bible not to do so?

The fifth reason is that I don't have maternal instincts. This might sound strange, but what I mean is not that I don't like children or that I don't care about them at all. Far from it. I love children and will protect and raise any child I take care of; moreover, I especially have the responsibility of fostering, adopting, and protecting unborn babies. But when I'm truly with the children, I lack a connection with them. I even don't know how to talk to them! This might sound a bit strange, but I don't mind. I feel more at ease with the elderly, and this is definitely a field I enjoy working in.

So, in summary, I am convinced that I am not suitable to be a mother. I don't have the same longing to become a mother as my sisters do, but this doesn't make me sad or make me feel that my life is lacking anything important. For me, this... is quite normal. However, I still want to talk about this issue again.

Have any couples chosen the same path? Are there any single people who also prefer this? Clearly, I pray to find a man who shares the same thoughts as me, so I'm still waiting.