In my entire life, there have been very few situations that truly surprised me.

But one of those experiences was when I first experienced a physical orgasm a few years ago. I thought those who claimed to have experienced this feeling were deceiving themselves. I really don't think it's true. It's an unattainable sexual elixir.

It wasn't until I started working with an excellent therapist and coach that has now retired that I began to experience physical orgasms. The main reason for my contact with her was not to achieve physical climax. Initially, I just wanted to explore and discuss my own sexual orientation. But after a few weeks, our discussions covered many topics, including sexual meditation and Tantric. We inevitably began to talk about sexual energy and physical climax. There are many different descriptions for physical climax or energy climax (some people call it that). For me, it means that my entire body is functioning like in a very intense sexual climax, but without ejaculation. As a man, this basically means that in some cases it is a climax, but without ejaculation.

"For me, the overall orgasm is all about energy," she said. "It draws on all my emotions, including past joys and traumas, and sends waves of pleasure through my body and mind. It's not like the traditional orgasm that circulates only around my genital area. It can be felt in other parts of my body, such as my heart or stomach."

Erica continued, "Although it's difficult to describe this feeling in words, it gives me emotional liberation and enables me to focus intensely. This feeling usually lasts for two or three hours, allowing me to immerse myself in a state of peace and happiness that is both fulfilling and empowering."

From my own experience, I completely agree with this feeling of happiness and contentment.

So, how did I achieve orgasm?

Well, it did take a long time, involved many near-failures, and required a lot of practice. Essentially, this is my journey.

Step one—getting to know your limits

This was rather fun. My coach set me the homework of masturbating right up to the brink of ejaculation, then holding back, like edging. I noted down all the sensations I had, both in my penis and throughout my body. Through this, I became more aware of the triggers which tipped me into orgasm and just how far I could push myself without coming.

Stage two—working on my pelvic floor muscles

My next assignment was to really work on my pelvic floor muscles. I would clench them every morning a couple of hundred times, and for every fiftieth clench, hold my pelvic floor muscles tightly closed for about twenty seconds.

I would repeat the edging and use my pelvic floor muscles to help hold me back from coming. This enabled me to push myself that little bit further towards ejaculation, without coming, of course.

Stage three—surfing on the edge and enjoying the ‘wobble’

Here I was able to push myself further. I was given the task of surfing on the edge and trying to enjoy those near-orgasm feelings. And when I did this I began to experience a whole-body shaking, let’s call it the ‘wobble’, which was really very enjoyable. It wasn’t massive, but it was definitely evident.

Stage four—understanding sexual energy and taking charge of the flow

Alongside all the male masturbation based homework, when I was with my coach she was working on sexual mediation and energy flow with me. I would sit in a yoga-type way and she would get me to focus on my genitals, or lingam and then she would get me to appreciate the energy within and then get me to imagine it circulating up my spine and then over my head, through my chest to my belly and back to my lingam.

Stage five—I’ll have what he’s having

By now we were several weeks into this project and through discussions, my coach decided I was ready to go for it. And this is when the magic truly happened. You probably won’t believe me when I say that during this session I was fully clothed (as I was throughout each coaching session) and there was no physical contact at all.

In one particularly focussed energy circulation session I suddenly and inexplicably started to ‘wobble’ again. And that wobble became really intense, far more than when I was doing it on my own. I wasn’t especially sexually aroused at the time, probably having a hint of erection under my trousers, but no more than that. The ‘wobble’ subsided but then returned again and again.

My coach said that it was more intense than when I first experienced it at home while edging because I was with her. She compared it to watching a sports match or going to a concert—your emotions are magnified when you are with others. She also said that it was rather like having sex with more than one person at a time—the excitement and energy are greatly increased.

Stage six—putting it all together: the double whammy

So I finally tried to put it all together and attempt to have body orgasms rather than genital orgasms during sex with my partner. Well to be honest at first, I just couldn’t do it and kept ejaculating too early. I had nearly given up until we were on holiday together. I guess I was more relaxed. And I did it. It was magnificent—I had three or four waves of body orgasms but no ejaculation. My partner was really amazed too and kept asking if I had come and I kept reassuring her that I hadn’t and all was just fine. Well, it was way, way more than fine.

Of course, I am describing all this from my male perspective.