I have worked with thousands of successful, overworked and likeable women and heard the same words many times.

I feel lonely in my relationship.

I'm not satisfied. It seems that something is missing.

I feel anxious, depressed and resentful.

I just don't really enjoy sex.

After saying these words, they usually tell me that they don't know why they have such feelings because they have so many things to be grateful for. But at the same time, their partners seem to have not brought them pleasant surprises for a long time. They don't call often, and the text messages they send are all about business. They no longer plan trips or dates, and they are not around - they are distracted by work, hobbies, video games, etc. This makes these women feel unsupported, unloved, anxious and depressed.

Being seen, being loved, having support and connection are basic human needs. It's completely normal to have these needs in a relationship. It's also normal to hope that your partner takes out the trash on their own initiative, after all, the garbage is collected on the same day every week. It's also normal to hope that you and your partner feel like lovers rather than roommates.

So, what exactly is holding them back? How do these obstacles affect the sex lives of those highly accomplished, generous and likable "superwomen"? And how can this problem be solved? What are the astonishing secrets to truly wonderful sex?

The secret to truly wonderful sex: Unfulfilled desire.

If you're familiar with my work, you know this won't be traditional sex advice. But does it really work? Of course it does.

I have found that the women I have come into contact with have two fundamental problems in terms of sexual desire.

They don't know what their wishes are.

They don't express their wishes, or even if they do, they will feel lonely and unsupported.

So what's the result? Desires remain unfulfilled (and the sex life is not satisfactory either).

You might be rolling your eyes by now, thinking you already know what your desires are. But let me explain.

You may be aware of your desires in your career and in raising children. But I find that the hardest thing for a female superhero is to understand her desires in an intimate relationship.

Do you know how you want your partner to touch, caress or lick you? Does asking this question make you uncomfortable? When there are problems in your relationship, do you automatically switch into superwoman mode - fixing, over-giving, finding it hard to say no, and trying hard not to disappoint others, all at the expense of your own needs?

When I ask the female superhero what she wants, I usually hear the following response:

She was blank and/or crying.

Her lack of understanding of her own desires is deeply rooted - she doesn't even know which restaurant to go to or what to order when she gets there. If you're like this too, it's not your fault. Generation after generation of women, sacrificing themselves, have been trained to put their needs second, shaping us into who we are now.

She tried hard to give me the right answers and set goals for me.

For instance, she might tell me that she desires a date night once a week, with half of them arranged by her partner. Or she might inform me that she hopes to have sex twice a month and that someone should take the initiative to help with household chores.

The problem is that these are not wishes but goals, items that need to be ticked off.

What you truly long for is connection, passion and desire. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

But for the women I work with, their great success has forced them to admit that they know nothing about sex, love and intimate relationships, which makes them feel embarrassed. They thought they wanted houses, cars, careers and vacations, but still something was missing, so they realized that wasn't what they wanted.

Have you ever had this feeling: you are extremely disappointed, and you don't know why, even after you got what you wanted? For instance, you asked to go out and play on the weekend, but it didn't bring you the happiness you imagined. Or you felt a bit depressed during the holiday or Christmas break, but pretended everything was fine. You couldn't say why you were in a bad mood, but you were indeed not as happy as before.

These are all signs of low sexual desire.

One of the real secrets to great sex is addressing this aspect of life. In episode 87 of my podcast, The Happiness Principle,

I will talk more about unfulfilled desires and how to start expressing your desires from a female perspective.