Hello everyone! Since I was 18 years old, I have had a strong sexual desire. I am 37 years old now and I am a single Christian woman. In the past, my sexual views were not very positive, mainly due to my upbringing. I was fortunate to have Christian parents who loved me; however, my views on sex were different from those of my parents. I think masturbation is beneficial to health. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion.

However, I still feel ashamed and guilty. I oppose the notion that women who love Jesus shouldn't be so eager for their husbands - if I loved Jesus more, I wouldn't be so eager for sex. For about the past month, I have been longing for my husband. This longing is largely just the desire to snuggle in his arms, to feel his heartbeat, and to have skin-to-skin contact. I want to be desired. I want to show him my beauty. To be honest: I'm overweight and sometimes I don't feel sexy. But I still want to undress and give myself to him. I imagine his gentle kisses on my skin, his warm breath caressing my body. How would that feel? My body is burning now, longing for him.

I imagined how it would feel to suck his penis, using my tongue to tease him slowly. I wanted to drink up all his semen when he reached his climax.

I imagined how it would feel if he licked my navel. One night while masturbating, I thought to myself, "What if my smell isn't good?" So, I tasted my own semen and felt it was better than ever before. I licked off the sweet nectar from my fingers.

How much I long for him. At night, lying in bed, I pray, strongly yearning to be close, to be embraced. I pray that the Lord will hold me tightly. Everyone says that Jesus is my bridegroom, and his love is enough (and indeed it is, and that is also the truth). But I have him, why is my soul and body so empty? Why do I have to think about sex all the time, or at least most of the time? There are more things in life than just sex. I long for that physical connection, no matter how busy I am, I cannot stop. This is truly frustrating.

Help! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm feeling really bad because I tend to cry. I have a strong desire to establish a connection with men (not just for sex). Men can balance their lives; they possess this calm power and a different outlook on life from what I, as a woman, have. I'm looking for a devout Christian man who loves Jesus, is kind, funny, honest, responsible, respectful of others, down-to-earth, easy to communicate with, and has a positive attitude towards sex (not afraid of his body). I want to be desired, pursued, needed, and chased. In short, I want to belong to him and he to me. I know I shouldn't get married just for sex. Why can't I simply get sexual pleasure through masturbation and still be happy?

In the end, I believe that men are material beings. I can hear his voice on the phone, send him text messages, I can see him with my own eyes and know that he is right there. I know he loves me because he holds me in his arms and praises me for being beautiful. The Bible says that God loves us with eternal love. He holds us in his arms and rejoices over us, just as a bridegroom rejoices over a bride. My name is written on his palm. God has worked in my life, saving me many times from myself and sin. If it weren't for Jesus Christ, I wouldn't be alive today.

I know that He truly exists. I know that He loves me. He died for me, and I am filled with awe.

I must have faith in Jesus. I can't see Him, I can't hear His voice, and He can't send me a text message - well, He can, but He won't. I've heard stories of some people who have seen Jesus with their own eyes and talked to Him. I'm so unworthy. If He suddenly appeared on a chair in the living room, I would feel extremely ashamed. I can't understand the depth of His love. I long for Jesus even more. I think my intense desire for a relationship means I don't want Him. That's enough! But if that's enough, why do I still need a man/husband in my life? Why can't He completely quash these desires of mine? Nineteen years of waiting has been truly long.

I struggled, tears streaming down my face, because I had to face another lonely night again. My bed seemed empty, and the pillow was soaked through. How could I be so fond of someone I had never met?

How can I complete the connection part in the relationship so that I won't feel so lonely?

Thank you all!