In long-term relationships, it is inevitable that the sexual desires of partners will sometimes differ. This is normal and there is no need to worry about it. However, if it becomes a persistent problem and starts to cause significant stress and tension in the relationship, it is then referred to as a "sexual desire discrepancy".

Sexual desire differences are quite common. For instance, a nationally representative British sexual survey found that approximately one quarter of adults in a romantic relationship reported experiencing this issue in the past year.

So, if you and your partner have completely different desires regarding the frequency or type of sexual activity in your relationship, what should you do?

First of all, this should be regarded as a problem between the couple rather than an individual one. When couples start to blame and insult each other for wanting "too much" or "not enough" sexual activity, it will lead to no good outcome. In other words, this should be seen as a relationship issue that requires both of you to solve together - don't go it alone (in fact, Christine's research has found that a couple-centered approach is much more successful than an individual one).

Next, identify any potential health issues or stress factors that may be inhibiting your libido, such as chronic fatigue or the impending birth of a baby. Sometimes, people need to address these issues first before dealing with the sexual problems, as they may be closely related. In other words, communicate with a doctor, re-evaluate your work-life balance, or address those factors that may affect your libido first, which might be helpful to you.

From here on, communication is crucial. Our partners may not always know our preferences and desires - so if we expect them to understand our thoughts, they sometimes misunderstand. Sometimes, this is precisely the reason for suppressing desires: our partners don't give us what we want because we haven't told them what we desire.

So in some cases, partners need to take the time to share their desires with each other and teach each other what feels good and what doesn't. It's normal not to be interested in a sex life that fails to meet one's own needs - but if you can improve the quality of your sex life, you can stimulate a greater desire for more sexual activity.

When communicating, it is essential to do so in a healthy and effective manner. For instance, if you are experiencing difficulties in your sexual life, engaging in conflict with your partner might ultimately worsen the situation. You might push your partner further away, and in the process, exacerbate the differences in your sexual desires. In short, be careful not to let the conflict escalate.

Another helpful method is to schedule sexual activities or regular dates. I know planning sexual activities doesn't sound very sexy because many of us think that sexual activities "should" be spontaneous. However, planning sexual activities has some advantages over spontaneous ones. Firstly, you have time to build anticipation (and sexual arousal). Secondly, you have time to get into the right state, thus fully enjoying life. When sexual activities are planned, we can plan the rest of our lives around it, so we will have less interference and disturbance.

Planned sexual activities can also give you the opportunity to stimulate your partner's sexual desire. You can flirt a few hours or even several days in advance. This helps increase the chances that both of you will have a sexual desire when the right moment arrives.

Although sexual desire differences are quite common and sometimes can even cause despair, you should know that there are many ways for you to handle these situations in a healthy and satisfactory manner.