OK, let me start by saying this. First of all, I need to clarify that I'm a man, especially a straight man. Secondly, I'm referring to the dating dynamics. Men are far less picky when it comes to choosing a date partner than women are. Don't worry, I'm not complaining about women being too picky like an involuntary single person. I don't think anyone's standards are the problem. But what interests me is why there is such a huge difference in these standards between the two sexes.

The obvious answer seems to be that women must be more vigilant towards men because many of them could pose a threat. Therefore, being relaxed and at ease is a privilege for men, such as taking a walk alone outside at night, or not bothering to dress up. But unlike other privileges, women are not interested in this. I have heard many women say that they wish they could walk home alone at night, but not one wishes to be hit by more men (nor does one wish to spend less time on dressing up, but I think this is another issue for another columnist). Having refined taste in men is something that women are proud of, but the opposite is not true. That's why the word "whore" does not hurt men.

So, falling asleep easily is not just something men can do; it's something we all want to do. I think this is suspicious, right? Because in my circle, unique behaviors of men are naturally subject to strict scrutiny. There was a famous tweet that once said that only things that men like are not cool. If only men like falling asleep easily, doesn't that mean it's not cool? (Of course, that tweet was making a joke about Joe Rogan, not a serious social analysis, but still...)

So I would like to offer a brief defense for this behavior. At least I was involved in one of the most prominent examples, which was frequently swiping right on dating apps. When I used these apps before, I rarely swiped left. If they didn't look like robots or the profiles weren't too concerning, I would swipe left. I did this mainly for practical reasons. The more times you swipe right, the greater the chance of a match. I wanted to match because for me, any real, decent, and willing woman to match with me was worth chatting about. This might be a bit arrogant, but I think being desired, well, is desirable. So, without knowing other circumstances, the other person's interest in me made me more interested in them. I might just be finding an excuse for my desperation because I hadn't found anyone before and still haven't, but I don't think this is the worst way to date. After all, dating is about finding connections, and when they like you, it's a great indicator of building a connection. Even if they do the same thing to me (as we have already established, this is rare for women), well, it's still a form of connection.

As for their appearance, well, I think most women, at least those I saw in the software, are very attractive. I think men's impression is that in order to pursue power, they will disregard the preferences of the other party and sleep with any woman. Maybe there are many men like this, but personally, I think most women look like the kind of people I would like to be with. I'm not saying I don't care about appearance; I just rarely find women so unattractive that I don't even have the time to spend with them.

This is the reason why I did it, and it is also the reason why I think many men would do the same. I know I have said a lot of general statements and assumptions, but I am willing to accept any corrections. What I want to know is: Does this exquisite color that women possess also belong to us men? If so, should we have it? If not, how should we overcome this relationship barrier, which causes so much tension in heterosexual dating and makes it difficult for us to understand each other's problems?

I'm not a player. I'm just someone who frequently uses a credit card.

Let's start with the fact that "men on Earth are quite promiscuous". First of all, women do talk about how much they desire more sexual encounters. The issue here is about privilege, but it's not necessarily as you might think. They usually don't discuss this in public or in the presence of many men, but women are human beings too, and they have the same level of passion for sex as men do.

In fact, until the early 19th century, women in Western and Middle Eastern societies were often regarded as the energetic gender. It is said that the Maenads were a group of wild women who served the Greek god Dionysus. When they got drunk, they would go crazy, rampage through forests and fields, chase men and force them to have sex. If they refused (or usually even if they didn't refuse), they would tear them to pieces. In "Metamorphoses", Ovid wrote about how Teresias transformed into a goddess to determine who derived more pleasure from sex - men or women. A few years later, Teresias returned to report that women derived almost nine times more pleasure from sex than men, thus laying the foundation for the famous 4chan meme and various obsessive female quirks.

The works on gender in medieval Europe held that women had a much greater interest in sex than men, which often harmed their own interests. In fact, medical practice at that time placed great emphasis on the importance of female orgasm for conception - this issue was frequently mentioned when determining whether a woman was infertile. In the early modern Catholic official legend, witches not only held revelry on the Sabbath but also stole the semen (usually along with the genitals) of sleeping men to satisfy themselves.

It was not until the emergence of the original feminist movement in the Victorian era that women were depicted as a gender with moderate sexual desires; instead, they were regarded as purer than men and less prone to lower or animalistic desires and passions. In fact, the idea actively adopted and disseminated by various Protestant denominations was that the role of women was to suppress the animal nature of men and encourage them to pursue more noble pursuits. This to some extent influenced the growing temperance movement in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Even in our present era, which is post- "Sex and the City" and post- "Ecstasy", this influence still exists.

This brings me to a question: Are women more discerning in their appreciation of men's tastes, or why is the term "whore" less damaging to men than to women? The answer is: practical factors and gender discrimination. From a realistic perspective, women face much higher risks of sexual violence than men do. This includes not only the risk of sexual violence, but also the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Transgender men cannot get pregnant, and the anatomical structure of the vagina also means that cisgender women have a higher chance of contracting sexually transmitted infections from men than men have of contracting them from women.

However, from a social perspective, women who show excessive interest in sex are still regarded as flawed, defective, lacking in masculinity or having other negative traits, especially when their sexual behavior is not for the pleasure of men. Therefore, most attempts to criminalize reproductive rights have focused on abortion, intrauterine devices, and hormonal contraception, while there is much less attention and criticism directed at men who undergo vasectomy. You may also notice that women have to strive to obtain various forms of long-term or permanent birth control measures from doctors, while drugs for treating erectile dysfunction are distributed freely like candies.

Similarly, you may notice that men often call women "whores", and also observe that a man's value and status are closely related to the amount of his sexual life. You might also notice the emergence of "traditional wives" accounts on social media, the statement "Chastity is the most sexy", and the criticism of women who post sexy selfies on Instagram, while the number of nude photos shared by men receives no attention.

It is worth noting that it was only in our generation that women gained the right to have their own bank accounts, credit cards and overall financial control. Before the enactment of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, women might have been denied the right to open credit or bank accounts without the approval of their fathers or husbands. Just as the Griswold v. Connecticut case granted unmarried individuals the right to contraception, the Equal Credit Opportunity Act also emphasized that women needed to be married to obtain their own financial security. This changed the landscape of how women chose their partners, formed relationships, and the reasons for doing so... Since then, many men have been complaining about this.

The concept of "higher elegance" has nothing to do with self-esteem; rather, it lies in how men choose to behave. The consequences they bear are far less than those of men. As I previously stated: Women are told that their value depends on what they lack in terms of sex, while men are praised for what they have.

Now, when it comes to dating apps... You are not the only one who swipes right in front of everyone. In fact, many men do the same, for the same reason: to maximize the number of matches. However, this is actually not in your favor - whether it's for the women you hope to match with, or for the dating app itself. In the best case scenario, this behavior means that women will receive a large number of matches, which actually reduces their chances of matching with someone or having multiple dates. This is called the paradox of choice: too many choices make it harder for you to make a choice, or harder for you to feel happy after making a choice. Meanwhile, most men who do this will try to match with as many women as possible, and then decide who they really want to meet; as a result, you will encounter many genuinely matched women, but find that the men they think are interested in them are actually just trying to have as many options as possible, and actually don't like them at all. If men do send them messages, it's usually much more convenient, with an average message being less than twelve characters.

Not words, but characters. Including punctuation marks and spaces.

This often makes women feel annoyed and frustrated, and they eventually give up using these applications; at the same time, it also makes the owners of the applications feel frustrated because such behavior will cause them to lose subscribers. Therefore, if your account has not been suspended or cancelled due to similar robotic behavior, then swiping right on all users will often lower the priority of your account in the algorithm.

Now, there is another factor that you didn't mention in the letter but is very obvious - men do have a more "refined" sense of taste than women. The difference is that they usually reserve this sense of taste for "valuable" women rather than just those they want to sleep with. Many men are willing to have sex with all kinds of women, but when they want to find someone to develop a relationship with, they become very picky. You may notice that men can distinguish which women are good enough to have sex with and which ones are good enough for a date - this binary classification includes "purity" and "degeneration". If you want to put it that way, it can be called a Madonna/Virginity complex, which influences the way they interact with these women.

In fact, one of the major factors contributing to women's unsatisfactory sexual experiences is that, to be frank, many sexual services are not worth it. Men who want casual sex obviously don't give it their all because why would they? Men almost certainly enjoy sex, with 98% of them reaching orgasm during sexual activity. On the other hand, when women have sex with heterosexual men, the probability of reaching orgasm is often only around 60%. Men are happy to finish and leave, thinking there's no need to put in too much effort because why would they? They don't plan to have sex again. So, for many women, casual sex is a losing proposition; sex is not enjoyable, they have the risks of getting pregnant and contracting diseases, and the men providing such services are likely to turn around and call them whores and bitches before the afterglow fades away. However, when faced with another choice, who is the cautious, safe and skilled one? Women are more likely to do so.

Then there is the issue of "someone, anyone, everyone": When your taste is not so picky, the people you are interested in often don't feel that they are particularly special or unique. Yes, people like the feeling of being desired, but the desire is because you are the unique you. And there's another saying that goes, "Well, you are passionate and can get anything at any time", which often makes people feel like they are like a moving airplane cup. When a person feels that they are just a number rather than a person, even someone who is addicted to clowns is more likely to want to take the "Nope Train" to the "Shitville".

Don't misunderstand my point. It's a good thing to desire to be desired or to be attracted by the other person's desire. The same goes for wanting to have multiple partners; regardless of gender, desiring or needing diversity or novelty is not a bad thing. In fact, having a wide range of choices for a partner is not necessarily a bad thing. The attractiveness of a character like Jack Hacknes lies partly in his pansexuality; if they are conscious, mutually agreed upon, and physically compatible, he is willing to have a relationship with them. However, an important part of this equation is that he is attracted to the individual, specifically, rather than just saying "any opening is a goal". His concept of "heat" might cover the known universe, he might have proposed numbers that Wolfram Alpha cannot calculate, but each time it is about that specific person, and he ensures that they know this.

The quantity itself does not have quality. Women often do not like to be just one of dozens of potential choices.

So, the issue is not whether men have more refined tastes, but when these tastes come into play. Being more perceptive is a good thing because it not only increases the chances of finding someone you like, but also the chances that the person you like will also like you. When the other person knows that you like them because you like them, and that you are willing to show this feeling, winning their heart is much easier, rather than like a shotgun, hoping to achieve results by throwing out enough lead pellets.

Good luck to you.