Love is a very complex matter. Most of us are aware of this. Love is so important that we have written numerous articles about it, organized various debates around it, and even created some maxims to give love immense power, such as: "No one can live without love." We also naturally believe that if you are single, one day you will find your perfect partner, your soulmate. Around this complex emotion, a complete industry has formed.

However, love is not merely a feeling; it is a cultural behavior that we must constantly strive for in our daily lives. It requires training, experience, understanding...

A couple consists of three elements: love, negotiation, and sex. Love cannot be negotiated. Clearly, it's impossible. You love someone, or you don't, but you can't reach an agreement to love someone because love is an uncontrollable feeling. Negotiation between couples is ubiquitous in our daily lives. Of course, there is no written contract between the two parties, but rather some kind of tacit understanding: if you do this, I will do that, and so on... However, although many people think that sex can be negotiated, the truth is otherwise.

This incident reminds me of a couple who deeply love each other. They are Germans and live in Spain. They are still married (they have been married for over 25 years). He (I don't want to reveal his identity, so I'll call him "Arnold") leads an unconventional sexual life. She (let's call her "Elke") is an incredible woman. She enjoys having sex with her husband at any time.

In Arnold's case, what we mean by "non-traditional sexual behavior" is quite simple: He enjoys sadomasochism and sometimes has sex with other women who are not his wife. For him (and I must admit that it's the same for me), sadomasochism is just like any other form of sexual activity. His wife, Elke, does not agree with his sexual orientation.

Imagine this scene: A couple deeply in love with each other, but Elke has a clear understanding of her own sexual life. The problem arises here. However, the two eventually reached a consensus because they knew that their love was stronger than anything else. Elke knew that she didn't want to lose her husband, and if she refused to let him do what he wanted, she might lose him.

For most of you, this situation would be regarded as a problem, a sign of Arnold's infidelity. But for Elke and Arnold, it resulted in a conspiracy. Conspiracy is the most fundamental and essential element in a relationship. Without conspiracy, there would be no marriage. Elke decided to have her husband engage in a form of abuse and punishment every week.

On the contrary, Arnold promised to explain all the details to Elke. They even went together to buy clothes for fetishists. Elke helped him choose.

I know you might think their view on love is strange, or that they are very modern, or that this wonderful couple is merely maintaining a good image in front of their family, friends and neighbors.

Others would think that in fact they don't love each other. Or Arnold is just the typical kind of man who uses "masculinity" to do whatever he wants. Surprisingly, I can tell you that your thoughts are far from the reality. I know that other couples are the same as them. In those cases, it is the woman who decides to follow Arnold's way of doing things. The experiences of Elke and Arnold show that both of them deeply understand the meaning of true love.

Most of us have no real understanding of love. What we love is the individuality within the other person, rather than the person themselves. We project our own behaviors onto our partners, projecting our own personalities and moral values. This is not love.

Love is respecting the moral values of the partner; love is accepting the other person as they are. The other person is not ours, they do not belong to us. But they (society) try to make us believe this in order to maintain the mainstream model they have constructed. A lover is not the object you teach, but the object you observe; a lover is not the object you try to change, but the object you watch grow; a lover is not the object you lead, but the object you accompany.

Most of the time, we treat our loved ones as possessions rather than resources, as country houses rather than landscapes. Elke and Arnold, like them, are playing a game of love, but unlike most of us, they don't really put their love into it.

The best love letter that Elke could write to Arnold would be to accept him as he is, rather than trying to change him. I agree that this is hard to understand because society has taught us to be selfish.

In my humble opinion, many people are unable to forgive infidelity for the aforementioned reasons. They fail to understand the true meaning of love. Currently, in Spain, a group of Spanish sex therapists are studying how to deal with promiscuity in order to help couples avoid divorce. This is truly revolutionary, but it is extremely difficult!