It is not surprising that many men's anxieties are related to sex and sexual performance. After all, masculinity is largely determined by a person's sexual ability. If you fail in this area... well, son of a bitch, you are simply not a real man, right? Especially in terms of sexual endurance, this is especially true. Men are afraid of becoming the kind of fool who ejaculates after only two thrusts, or like Missy Elliott, becoming a "one-minute man", and the invisible fist of the free market is taking advantage of these anxieties. So, let's clear the fog and talk about how to improve your sexual endurance and sexual performance... without all that nonsense.

Understanding the difference between preferences and problems

One of the first issues to be addressed is to understand the difference between premature ejaculation as a normal condition and "I cannot last as long as I would like". The former is a preference, while the latter is a normal syndrome that usually requires medical assistance. Let's define the terms first. Premature ejaculation is typically defined as continuous or repeated uncontrollable ejaculation within one minute before or after penetration, and it occurs before either partner has sexual desire. It is also one of the most common sexual dysfunction issues; according to a survey in the Journal of the American Medical Association, nearly one-third of men aged 18-59 stated that premature ejaculation is a frequent and recurring problem during sexual intercourse.

The tricky aspect of premature ejaculation is that it doesn't have a single cause; it is generally believed to be a combination of anxiety issues, overstimulation, and acquired behaviors. If it is a chronic problem, professional help may be needed to solve it. Although premature ejaculation is indeed a problem, people's anxiety about sexual stamina largely stems from the notion that a "real" man should be able to maintain an erection for several hours before reaching orgasm... And that's where the problem lies. Although many people think that the penetration time should last for 30 minutes, the average duration of vaginal ejaculation latency is actually around 1 minute. In fact, a survey by members of the Association for Sexual Therapy and Research found that the optimal penetration time is between 7 and 13 minutes, 3-5 minutes is considered "adequate", and anything less than 1-3 minutes is problematic. Let's face it: we don't just want to be "adequate". So how can we perform better in bed?

Give up watching pornographic films

To be honest, people's concerns about their stamina partly stem from pornographic films. As I mentioned before, sex education in the United States mainly focuses on anatomy lessons and sexually transmitted diseases, and that's all. This is seriously inadequate and offers no help in addressing people's misunderstandings about sexual pleasure, sexual ability, or sexual performance. As a result, most of our sex education comes from pornographic films. And this is precisely the other half of the problem. The sex depicted in pornographic films is completely different from real sex; everything in pornographic films is a performance. From positions to fake orgasms, from full body hair removal to money shots, every aspect is designed to look the best on camera and to help viewers reach orgasm faster. Unfortunately, the ubiquity of pornographic films and the lack of any other form of sex education mean that we have absorbed all the wrong lessons from them. As a result, when we watch the long passionate scenes between Evan Stone and Alana Ray, we think we can also last that long. However... all of this is false. The astonishing endurance of male pornographic stars stems from technique, chemical reactions, and meticulous editing to compensate for the gaps. These scenes are meticulously stitched together to maintain the illusion of a single scene, rather than starting and stopping due to changes in lighting, someone's muscle cramps, farting, or premature orgasms. Men will apply anesthetic (or occasionally - I'm not lying - they will take cocaine) or perform actions that only occur in pornographic films, such as pulling out the penis, patting their partner's thighs or vagina, to suppress the intense urge for orgasm. Moreover, extremely long sex is not an easy thing for women either. Pornographic films make you think that the longer you last, the more she will scream and reach orgasm, until she melts into a pool of golden afterglow and after-sex cigarettes. In fact, continuously thrusting vigorously for twenty or thirty minutes will eventually dry out her body more than Death Valley, feeling like someone's car engine has run out of oil near Busted and is trying to cross the Mojave Desert.

Don’t Think of Baseball

In the past, there was a notion that simply thinking about non-sexual things, such as parents doing the lambada dance, Mickey McConnell performing, or calculating multiplication tables, could delay the orgasm. However, this is actually a mistake that many men make.

First of all: Most of the problems causing premature ejaculation are related to anxiety, not your sexual desire. Trying desperately to divert your attention and not thinking about all the pleasant sensations will only further intensify your panic... This is almost contrary to the effect you truly want to achieve. It will only exacerbate your fear of premature ejaculation and make this fear linger even more when you should be the most relaxed.

Furthermore, learning to control a part of your body means being aware of its existence, rather than being distracted. The more you can be aware of the triggers and sensations in the body during sexual activity, the better you will be able to learn how to adapt and cope with them. After all, if you are solely focused on reciting the starting lineup of the 1996 Spurs team and ignore the fact that you are already at a point where it's too late... well, that really doesn't help, does it?

Furthermore, one of the meanings of sex is to be together with your partner. If you get distracted during sex, you won't be able to pay attention to them, won't be able to focus on what they are doing, and won't be able to try to please them. To be honest, not being fully focused on them is actually quite embarrassing.

So, what would you do then?

Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay

And? Foreplay. I'm serious. The anxiety caused by having sex too quickly is largely due to the fear that it will prevent you from pleasing the woman. After all, if the best you can do is a "push-pull" of three minutes, how can you make the woman climax again and again? The problem lies here; for many men, the key is to insert the penis. Everything else is just done to achieve that goal. Because men often focus on penetration sex, we tend to think that the woman does the same.

In fact, for the majority of women, having the penis inserted into the vagina for sexual intercourse is the least likely way for them to reach orgasm. 70% of women cannot achieve orgasm simply by insertion; they need direct stimulation of the clitoris to reach orgasm, and using the penis alone is not sufficient for this.

But this is actually beneficial to you. If you are determined to be the provider of sexual climax but are worried about your "downtime", then the best thing you can do is to become an expert in non-insertive sex. Learn to enjoy oral sex. Let the magic happen in your magical fingers. Get familiar with the toys and their usage methods. Spend time making sex a full-body experience, rather than focusing all your attention on her nipples and vagina, finding all the movements that make her gasp, moan and bite her lip... rather than using this as a prerequisite for "Well, can I put it in now?" When you can please a woman with every part of yourself, whether you can last three minutes or the entire night, you will become one of the best lovers she has ever known in her book.

Equally important is that it can help you relax. When you know that you only need your mouth and hands to make her reach climax again and again, you won't be so worried about how quickly you can reach climax... And all the relief of anxiety will also help you slow down and enjoy the sexual experience.

Use your body

There are many ways to help you better control ejaculation and prolong sexual intercourse time. All you need to do is learn how to use your body correctly. First, learn to control the pubococcygeus muscle. The pubococcygeus muscle in men extends from the anus to the urethral sphincter of the penis. Strengthening the strength of this muscle not only delays the ejaculation response but also enhances the intensity of erection. To learn how to tighten the pubococcygeus muscle, try stopping urination the next time you go to the toilet. The muscles that make you feel tense are precisely these pubococcygeus muscles. Performing three sets of 15 tightening exercises each day can tighten these muscles, making it easier for you to pull back from the point of no return during sexual intercourse. Next, you need to change the speed and rhythm of the thrusting. Many men simply use a sledgehammer-like force to thrust repeatedly; this may make you feel great, but eventually, through this continuous and repetitive sensation, your penis will be trained to ejaculate quickly. You might try the so-called "7 to 9" or "1 to 4". The former allows you to adjust the speed - seven quick thrusts followed by nine long and slow thrusts, and repeat this back and forth. The latter focuses on the depth of the thrusting - three shallow thrusts followed by one deep and slow thrust, and repeat. Both of these methods can change your sensation - helping you to be more enduring - but at the same time, they can establish a stable rhythm and friction for your partner. Changing positions is also a good idea. You shouldn't change every few seconds - that way, neither of you can enjoy the sexual experience - but start with her on top, and when you are about to reach climax, stop and switch to the missionary position or the reverse position. This not only allows the sexual experience to last longer but also gives you time to calm down and come back from the brink of climax. Moreover, it can also allow you to keep trying and find the position that is most suitable for you and your partner.